'Tis the season to be gorging...fa la la la la, la la la la

Sunday, December 14, 2008

It’s that time of year again, campers! The time when friends, family and even casual acquaintances all show their appreciation for you with gifts of food. As you smile and thank the giver for the sugar and fat-laden packages of deliciousness, you silently vow to hand it all over, untouched, to less health-conscious family members. But do you?

On the one hand, those gifts of food are the very gifts I used to look forward to in years past. Oh how I loved it all. Especially fruitcake. Yes. Really.

One particular co-worker used to make everyone large gift bags of homemade jams and breads - and it was a gift that was eagerly anticipated. I especially couldn’t wait to shove the little pumpkin loaves into my pie hole. Despite all of my resolve, that beautiful gift bag was always the start of a sugar binge that would last from Christmas Eve until New Year’s Day.

Because, what the heck? That’s what January’s for, right? To get back on track and forget about the dietary transgressions of the previous two months. I have to confess, I am already in that, “oh, what the heck” mode. January is just around the corner. How much damage can I do in just a couple of more weeks?

The extra damage is exactly what I’m afraid of.

This past year has been such a struggle for me. Wavering between getting my weight back under control and giving in to all the food that I love but know I need to avoid. And the scale is showing which side of that struggle is winning.

In the course of a year, I have gone from not worrying about that extra five pounds, to cringing at the extra ten, to wanting to shoot myself over the extra 15. That 15 pounds was the “cushion” I gave myself when I was on Weight Watchers. Fifteen pounds below my stated goal weight - so that I would be able to catch and stop any gains before I got totally out of control.

And now I’m totally out of control - and berating myself with woulda-shoulda-coulda.

So I am declaring today MY January 1st. If I can get through the next two weeks without adding any extra pounds, then I think those ugly 15 should be a piece of cake tilapia.

I already know where my social obligations are and I am planning around them. I know to avoid the kitchen at work for the next week when the food gifts from vendors will be at their peak. I know to plan every single meal and every single snack, eating every two hours or so to keep the temptation at a minimum.

I am keeping my head full of the images of a stomach that isn’t bloated and a bra strap that doesn’t have fat swelled up around it. And because I am cheap, I am also remembering that I gave away all of my jeans in the next size up. I DO NOT want to buy more jeans for a fatter me.

And, mostly, I am remembering that there is not even ONE food item so extraordinarily special that I must eat it now or forever lose the opportunity. They will all be around again next year. And the year after.

If I am lucky enough to live to be 70, I am going to be such a porker, you cannot even imagine. But, until then, I am going to be very careful with the empty calorie foods. So I’m off to hit the treadmill, then make my grocery list. And work on my resolve to stick to it.

And how are YOU handling the food aspect of this holiday season?


Cyndi said...

I apparently suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, which makes me crave carbs even more than I usually do. I haven't done too badly so far, but I now have frosted sugar cookies in the kitchen. I just hope Ron eats them before I get a chance to. Of course I made them for the kids, who could take them or leave them.

And seriously, you're beating yourself up about being AT your goal weight?

Mrs. Jelly Belly said...

Well, okay, that sounds kind of silly, I know...but I set my goal weight to be within 3 pounds of the highest I was ever willing to weigh again. So I'm at my fat borderline.

And mmmmmm, frosted sugar cookies. I thought those were all supposed to go to your Sunday school class?