The Fear Factor

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Although I’m a Lifetime Member of Weight Watchers, I haven’t been there to weigh in for over a year. At first it was because it was summer and I couldn’t motivate myself to get out of the house at 7:30 on a Saturday morning.

For the last few months though, the real reason has been fear. Fear and embarrassment. I am ashamed of myself for getting so far off track and I am afraid of the possibility that I will fail.

The thing is, to be successful in losing weight and maintaining that loss, you have to really want it. I mean REALLY want it. You have to want it more than you want pizza or birthday cake or an Awesome Blossom.

And sometimes I’m afraid I just don’t want it that much anymore. Because it’s hard.

Lately I have been wavering back and forth from thinking, “eh, at my age who cares if I’m slightly overweight,” to feeling that it’s crucial to my self-esteem, not to mention my health, to be in the best shape I can possibly be in…for my age.

I’ve been giving it a lot of thought and have decided that I worked way too hard to lose this weight to just give it all up. Because if I do, eventually I’ll get disgusted with myself and have to do it all over again. And I don’t think I have that kind of energy.

To maintain Lifetime status, you have to be within two pounds of your goal weight when you weigh in. I originally set my goal weight fairly high (i.e., the highest I would ever be comfortable weighing again) and I think I’m still okay there. And I will remind myself that people return to Weight Watchers all the time – probably many of them have done worse than I have – and there is really no shame in that. Life happens.

And yes, it will be hard. But most things worth having usually are.