My strangely erratic sleep habits

Back in the day when the kids were all still living at home and time to myself was as rare as a flat chest in a Miss America pageant, I craved quiet interludes of time that I could call my own. At some point I began to take these little snippets out of the beginning of the day. More specifically, at 4:00 a.m. – a good two hours before I really had to be out of bed.


Oh, it was glorious. No phones, no TV’s, no little Jelly Belly’s clamoring for attention. Just me and the internet. I happily wasted those two hours every single day of my life for years. Including weekends. Most especially weekends.

I must have decided that if 4:00 am was so great, then 3:30 must be even better! So 3:30 it was!

Eventually, my weakened bladder caused me to have problems staying asleep. I would sometimes be rudely awakened by my bladder at 1:00 am, pop out of bed and hit the computer. In retrospect, I suppose it might have been better to just go do my potty business and get my ass back in bed – but NO ONE WAS UP!! Hurray!! Me time!!

Naturally, all of this nocturnal me-ness caused Mrs. Jelly Belly to be more than a little lethargic during normal working hours, so a “nap” after dinner was the order of the day. Dinner, nap until 9:00 or 10:00 then back to the computer! (Can you see what an insane amount of time I waste??) Usually I could go back to sleep around 2:00 and sleep until 4:00. But never later. Didn’t want to waste my 4:00-6:00 time.

Finally I found myself awake all night long on the weekends, getting my sleep during the afternoon.

In addition to the fact that NOTHING is getting done around my house, my brain is quickly turning to mush and I find myself nodding off at work in the afternoon. This type of behavior, especially for people under the age of 80, is frowned upon by my employer.

Resolved: I can keep my 4:00 – 6:00 time (which I still truly love) but I will be in bed no later than 9:30 on “school nights”. If my bladder wakes me up (and it will), I will avail myself of the facilities and get right back to bed.

Really. I promise.