I'm having a pity party...care to join me?

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Here’s a shocking revelation for you: Losing weight is hard. Tough to believe, I know.

Being successful at weight loss takes a lot of work and a ton of motivation. Oh, and self-control. None of these things are areas in which I excel. But, three years ago, I did it.

I adjusted quite nicely to dieting after the first few weeks – as my body got used to a new way of eating and the cravings lessened, it got easier. Every time the numbers on the scale got lower, my motivation increased. I got good at learning what my body liked and what it hated. At knowing which food combinations would accelerate the weight loss and which ones would stall it. I was rocking that scale, hoping for a twenty-five pound loss, but praying for forty. I took up strength training and forced myself to do the damn cardio.

Finally, after six months, forty-five pounds were gone. I went from a size 12 to a thrilling size 4. And I felt good about that; I felt good about myself.

It got so easy to lose (yes, really) that I had to force myself to stop. I had to find out how to work just enough calories in to maintain the weight loss without gaining. And there, my friends, is where it got tricky.

Research indicates that 80% of people who lose weight will regain it within a year. Eighty percent. And that figure is regardless of how the weight was lost in the first place. How disheartening.

I was determined I would not be one of those people. I would not ever be seriously overweight again. It was too much work to get to a healthy weight and I am too lazy to have to do it all again.

But then there were vacations and dinners out and parties and nights I was too tired to cook. Exercising took too much effort and slowly faded away. It seemed okay to just “take a break”. Well, it wasn’t okay. I am clearly not the type of person who can take a break. When it comes to eating, I have learned that I’m an all or nothing kind of person. I threw away the “nothing” and embraced the “all” with abandon.

Did you know that embracing the “all” with abandon is not a good idea? No, really. It will make you fat. And it will make you fat a whole lot faster than embracing the “nothing” will make you thin.

This is where my pity party comes in. Over the last two years, the weight has been slowly creeping back on. I say to myself, “nip it in the bud”. Yes. That’s what I’ll do. Tomorrow.

But that “tomorrow” becomes “next Monday”, which becomes “right after the holiday”, which becomes “at the beginning of the month” or whatever other delay tactic I can use. Now there is no longer a bud to nip. It’s a full-blown weed. And a big one.

Honestly, I eat reasonably well during the week. But the weekends? Forget about it. I’m a mess. I haven’t gained all the weight back, thankfully, but I’ve regained 15 pounds of it. (And that's down from a sob-inducing 19, so I should be grateful.)

Fifteen pounds doesn’t sound huge, I know, but it’s Too Much. I am not a large person, so that 15 extra pounds is enough to make me seriously uncomfortable. My clothes are waaaay too tight and buying new ones that fit correctly is a challenge I am not happy about having to undertake. So I won’t. Besides, how soon will it be before that 15 pounds becomes 25? Too soon, I’m sure.

So now I have to figure out how to get my dieting mojo back and get this done. Dieting was something I never wanted to do again. I wanted to consistently eat well and exercise regularly to keep the pounds from coming back. Yeah. That plan’s not working for me.

I have learned some things about myself and my relationship with food that I need to take seriously. For the rest of my life. If I don’t, I will be fat. And uncomfortable. And I will not like myself.

For the last couple of weeks I’ve been sitting around on my dimpled ass feeling sorry for myself because, no matter how much I want it to be true, I’m not the type of person who can eat Whatever, Whenever. That’s just a fact.

I know my thyroid issues make it harder for me to lose weight. I also know it doesn’t make it impossible.

I know I can never eat sugar or white flour again. In fact, all processed foods are iffy. I know that bread and crackers, even when they are made with the wholest of whole grains, are like poison to my system. All of these things make me bloat and gain weight and feel miserable. Even when they are eaten in moderation. As if I know about moderation.

I know that no matter how hard I try, I cannot regain my youth and the strong metabolism that went along with it.

I know that crying about the unfairness of it all while eating a handful of barbecued chips isn’t going to make me thinner.

I know that I have to exercise. I know that to say, “I don’t have the time” is to really say, “I don’t want to.”

I know that I don’t want to be included in those failed weight loss statistics.

I know that I can do it.

I know that it’s worth it.

So please bear with me as I get this done. I’m whiny and depressed and bloated. But that may just be the sugar talking. I’ll feel better soon. When the back fat is gone.


Cindy Lou said...

I am in the weight battle!!! I am on WW (weight watchers!!)I have been on it a month and I have lost 12 pounds!! Doesn't sound like alot but it is a loss instead of a gain! And then I look at in another way...I have lost 48 sticks of butter!!! LOL!!! Good Luck and keep me posted on your progress! You can do this!!

Theresa said...

I feel your pain! The older I got the more eating was fun and EVERYTHING revolves around eating. I am 5'0" and 5lbs on me is like 25lbs on a tall person. So... all that said, you can do it and we'll be right here with you:)

Midwest Mommy said...

I am so in a battle. I was doing so good til we got hit and then my neck and the numbness and I just slacked. I really, really need to get back on track.

Shelley said...

It IS hard. But it sounds like you are ready to face it and jump in with both feet...let the battle begin!

BetteJo said...

I'm right there with ya - except with a lot more to lose! It IS hard! I did go for a walk tonight tho, so I've got that going for me. :)

Patty said...

Well, that sure took guts! I think of you as one of the super heros in blog weight loss land, and not because you lost massive amounts, but because you know you sh*t. So now you even have more "blog cred", and we will all be watching (well, I know I will be) to learn how to handle the situation when we are in the same boat. So show us how it is done Jelly Bean! :-)

Bonnie said...

Mrs JB - I totally hear what you are saying. That maintenance scares me almost as much as losing all of this weight does! But, you are so close to realizing your goals - get your head in the game and these frustrating times will be behind you soon.

Take your wonderful advice to me - go to a WW meeting! It has taken all the drama out of my life with my weight. And splurge on YOU and get a trainer for 1 month. That workout accountability is key to me.

You are such an inspiration to so many. We KNOW you can achieve that 15 pound goal. How can we help?

And a 12 to a 4? You rock!

Mrs. Jelly Belly said...

Oh my gosh - you guys are all so sweet. You almost made me cry. Thank you so much for the support. Knowing you're out there, and that I'm not alone in this, is making me feel better already.

We can do it. :)

Miz said...

Oh Woman we all feel your pain.
and I love how the blogworld has stepped up to proffer a hand.

Ill bring the pinata to the party and we can stuff it with fruit and veggies :)


Housewife Savant said...

I am SO with you with regards to the failure to practice moderatation.
I can't eat "whatever" and I've got to Get Serious, just like you said, but when it comes to the awesomnicity - that's all YOU.

Gin said...

I'm with ya! I'm working off a 15-pound weight gain myself. It suck's! Hang in there. You can do it.

VRaz60 said...

Takes a great deal of courage to admit to "millions" of people that you're short on motivation. I think all of us here in the blogosphere have that problem in one way or another. Still, your story has been motivation for many of us, so we will await your progress anxiously. Good luck to you and thanks for giving the rest of us hope.

jellybelly*jellybrain said...

I've done three sessions at they gym this week - all of them at 9am in the morning. I'm asleep at 3pm in the afternoon!
But we're going to Disney World for 3 weeks next year so I have to be fitter than I currently am.
It's soooooo hard though!
Oh yeah - you've been tagged - see my blog for details

Shangrila said...

You can do it, you can do it, you can do it! I believe in you. Throw some edamame, some cannellini and some steamed baby brussell sprouts in a bowl with a little salt, eat it while curled up with a good book and then take a nap! Because you're totally worth it!

I gave you the Honest Blog Award (because I love how you tell it like it is!) Stop by my blog to pick it up. :)

Cyndi said...

Oh my friend, I will join you in that pity party. Before we went to MN, I had lost 30 pounds on WW, and I have gained most of that back. The funny thing is, I have every confidence that YOU can get back to your goal weight, but I'm here whining, "I caaaan't." Doesn't help that my damn husband decided to get healthier and the weight just falls off of him.

Camevil said...

Wow. I've reread this post several times while at the office.

It seems that losing weight isn't hard...it's the maintenance that's the tricky devil. That's the part where I think I'm going to have difficulty, too. The "all or nothing" of which you speak. I'd like to think that I'll continue my fitness routine, but who knows? It's easy to do it now because I have a goal. But what happens when I reach that goal? I'm probably gonna need a vulcan mind meld or something to switch my mental processes to adjust to the change.

But I have no doubt you'll be where you want to be again. You have that self-awareness (and realistic sensibility) that should carry you.

And you'll definitely be on the brain this weekend as I sip my wine and do damage. It's like a roller coaster, isn't it?

Ree said...

Dude! You just described my life. To a t.

I'd love to join you, but me? Too freakin' lazy.

kristisummer said...

Hang in there. You need to be proud of all of your accomplishments.. you did not gain all of it back and you are recognizing your gain and are going to take action. stay positive. love the photo of the little girl. have a great weekend.

MaryRC said...

that is amazing that you have that dicipline inside you just waiting to come out and roar again. you just need to wake up the lion! i recently lost 15 pounds and put back on 7, ugh! wake up kitty kitty

Nana said...

I know how you feel. In the last 5 yrs. I have gained about 40 lbs. I am putting an end to it and have been getting serious lately latley (whatever) anyway, I have lost 7 lbs. in about 6 wks. I have lost 12 since Christmas. I know that is slow going, but I don't want to lose it really fast. I have decided I need to step it up a bit though. This week for some reason I have been having some chocolate issues. I need to get it under control. I have not gained any weight back so that's good. I know you can do it. I know I can do it. I just have to keep telling myself it took you 5 yrs. to gain it, it is not going to go away overnight.

Menopausal musing said...

tis exactly two years this weekend since I was released from hospital one stone lighter (appendix operaton performed too late). Having been starved "Nil By Mouth" for over a week, my body wants to make sure it doesn't have problems again! Never having struggled with weight gain, i now DO!. jUST HOW BLOODY HARD DOES THIS GET??????XX

Karen Brown Letarte said...

I am so right there with you. I've been having my own pity party for several months now. I have a lot of the same issues.... and have gained even more than you have, after having kept my weight off for 4 years or so. When I was single, it was easy. I had time to work out, and I pretty much didn't cook. Now, I have the whole house-pets-family thing, and eating family meals brought my family of weight issues back!

We are definitely in this together! We CAN do this, and we will. Now, if only I could stop injuring my left foot, ankle, and knee, I could get back to the workouts. Exercise makes everything better! Hang in there, Jeab! Those size 4s are waiting for us.

:) K

Oz Girl said...

*sigh* It's like reading all about me... same thing... in 2006 I got down to a size 2 (I'm only 5'2") and FELT SO GOOD, so many compliments from friends and family. Shopping for clothes was FUN. Vowed I would not let myself creep back up to a size 6 ever again. Yeah. Right. Like you, I SO want to get the weight off again, and the last few months, I keep saying I'm going to start next week, next weekend, whatever. It doesn't happen. Hubby even helped me get my TotalGym and weight bench all situated out in his shop. There they sit, all dusty. Still waiting for me. *sigh*

Sheryl said...

I swear you just copied an insert of my journal, only I gained all of mine back and then some.

You did hit a spot for me, I will have to watch what I eat....forever...I do need to get off my butt and exercise....forever...it's the way I'm wired and the sooner I accept this the better I'll feel.

Thanks for the great post. And we all need to have a pitty party once in a while.

Have a great day.

Camevil said...

What....no nifty product reviews or cool blog posts this week? *sniff*

Hope you're doing well and sorting things out.

Miss you, Jelly Bean!

Katie said...

I am having this same pity party. Its no fun...

Tell me what to eat and I'll do it! :)

The Rambler said...

Just came back from vacation where I was scared the 11 pounds I've lost would all be gained back in 6 short days.

I only gained 2 but with the motivation, moderation and back on track eating I'll come back to the path I should be on.

I admire the fact that you lost what you did and have a understanding about nutrition and can be funny about it. (I envy you while bowing down.)

I read the first post above this one and wanted to share support for you.

Always love what I read here.