Gluten-free dumbass in denial

As you know, because I whine about it all the time, I feel perfectly shitty 99% of the time. The other 1%? Moderately poopy. The point is, I never feel GOOD. For a long time I attributed that to my thyroid issues. But lately, I’ve been trying to pay more attention to what I eat and how I feel when I eat it.

My conclusion? Gluten. That pesky little protein found in wheat, barley, rye and usually oats. I already knew any type of baked goods affected me badly, causing bloat, weight gain and general misery. And, while I hated to admit it, my beloved Quaker (crack in a box) oatmeal practically put me into a coma. I decided a two-week gluten-free trial was in order.

So I bought a book. Gluten-Free Living for Dumbasses Dummies. And I learned things. Things like autoimmune disorders, such as Hashimoto’s Disease (which I have), are often a symptom of a gluten intolerance. As is a Vitamin D and B12 deficiency (both of which I have). And other symptoms I had also pointed to a gluten intolerance:

Fatigue
Headaches (including migraines)
Inability to concentrate
Hair loss
Low blood sugar
Night blindness

And those are just the symptoms that apply to me. If you read the entire list, you would be convinced that YOU are gluten-intolerant, too.

I learned that most people with gluten allergies or intolerances will not ever be diagnosed. Because doctors don’t usually test for it. That there will be 1 diagnosis for every 140 cases. Don’t ask me how they know that if the other 140 aren’t ever diagnosed, but that’s what they say.

Focusing on all the foods that are naturally gluten-free, such as meats and seafood, fruits, vegetables, nuts, beans, rice, and most dairy, I made a list and went grocery shopping. I decided not to go crazy with buying gluten-free baked goods, such as bread, because I wasn’t really even sure if this was my problem. And for two weeks, I could live with corn tortillas if I needed a sandwich.

It was not all that difficult. I didn’t notice anything dramatic in the way I felt. I ate yogurt mixed with rice and raisins for breakfast instead of oatmeal. I ate a bowl of rice chex with skim milk for a snack. I ate refried beans with cheese and corn chips. Steak and potatoes. Salads. It was not bad.

Still, I lasted only four days. Why? Beer. I caved when we went bowling and they did not sell anything gluten-free. I was weak. But an interesting thing happened when I had that beer. Absolutely nothing. No bloating, no abdominal pain, no gas, no headache. It was the first time in that whole day that I DIDN’T feel bad. I had eaten a gluten-free, sugar-free protein bar that afternoon (Think Thin brand…it was gross) that made me nauseous. And it wasn’t just because it was nasty.

Here is where the dumbass in denial part comes in. That bar contained dairy. As did the yogurt with my breakfast. As did the cheese (and lots of it) on my refried beans at lunch. I was living large in the gluten-free dairy department.

And I’m allergic to casein, a milk protein. Tested and diagnosed two years ago, it is an undeniable fact. One which I choose to ignore. I keep eating it because doing so doesn’t send me into anaphylactic shock or anything. So it must be okay, right? It must be something else making me feel bad. Anything else. Dear God, please. I CANNOT GIVE UP CHEESE.

Sigh. I must give up cheese.

Time to face the facts and deal with them, I guess. So now I will buy more books that will teach me how to live dairy-free (and I might still stay off the gluten…unless it comes in beer) and I will focus on foods that are naturally dairy-free. And I will try to remember that going dairy-free is probably good for me even if I wasn’t allergic to it. And maybe I’ll feel better.

But I don’t like it. No sir, not even one little bit.