If you won’t put it IN your body, should you put it ON your body?

Crisco Shortening. We’re all familiar with the blue can – it was probably a staple in all our childhood kitchens. And maybe we’ve given up using it to cook with because of its high concentrations of hydrogenated and partially hydrogenated oils (trans fats).

Lately, there has been a lot of chatter about the benefits of Crisco for your skin and hair. Yes, you heard me correctly. For your skin and hair. Sounds rather bizarre, doesn’t it?

But let’s look at the ingredients of Crisco: Soybean oil, fully hydrogenated cottonseed oil, partially hydrogenated cottonseed and soybean oils. So, basically, natural oils hydrogenated to turn them into solid form.

I use natural oils on my skin and hair all the time. Jojoba oil, vitamin E oil, almond oil, emu oil, squalene oil - and I’ve just ordered some avocado oil, which is supposed to work wonders for those of us who have been cursed with straw in place of hair. I love them all and they are super-moisturizing for my dry, wrinkly face. And my dimpled body. Yeah. Try not to get a visual with that one.

I have read that Crisco is used in hospital settings to treat burn victims and those with severe eczema. It has also been used on skin tears caused by edema (severe swelling due to fluid accumulation).

I read of another doctor who had this to say about Crisco: "If you want the cheapest home remedy going, use Crisco. It's a wonderful moisturizer that covers the skin and keeps water locked in. The key is to use very little and rub it in well so your hands don't feel greasy. Your skin needs only two molecules' worth [Jelly Belly interjection: WHAT?] of barrier thickness to protect it from water loss. They used to call Crisco Cream C at Duke University, where doctors dispensed it freely. It really works."

If all that’s true (and I don’t really have any reason to doubt it), then it sure sounds like Crisco could be a moisturizing mini-miracle, doesn’t it?

Outside of the medical community, countless women (and probably a few men) are using Crisco on their faces, bodies and hair – and reporting great results. And it’s cheap. Under $5 for the small can which should last a really long time (considering you only need two molecules worth and whatnot).

I ran out and bought some (hiding the can from Mr. Jelly Belly, lest he get overly excited thinking I was going to make a pie) and, feeling foolish, gave it a try. I slathered it all over my alligator legs and feet, my elbows and my hands. Then I avoided all open flames.

The result? Wow. Soft and smooth. In fact, my legs are SO DRY that it took three very generous slatherings before it stopped immediately absorbing. I didn’t have the nerve to try it on my face and hair, so you’ll have to do your own experiment if you want to know the answer to that. I have my limits.

But whenever an inexpensive miracle product is discovered, there are always going to be naysayers who will kill your buzz – and darnit, make me think about what I am doing. God, I hate that.

The argument most widely heard is that anything you put ON your body, you are putting IN your body. If you think about it, that makes sense. How else do you explain trans-dermal drugs like progesterone and estrogen creams? Not to mention nicotine patches. They work because you put them ON YOUR SKIN and they go through your skin and work internally.

Now I’m no scientist, so I don’t know if trans fats can penetrate your skin and work their way into your arteries or not. And I don’t even know how I would go about finding that out. But I’ll bet the answer lies somewhere in molecular size and structure. And that, my friends, bores me nearly to tears. But I do know that I don’t want my death certificate to list “cause of death” as Crisco.

On the other hand, people use salt on their bodies in the form of scrubs all the time - and I’ve never heard of hypertension due to excessive exfoliation, have you?

To sum it up, I’ll just say I don’t have any real answers as to the effect of using trans fats on your skin. So you just did a lot of reading for no pay off. To make it up to you, I offer you these alternative uses for Crisco:

Removal of tar and lipstick from clothing.
Removal of ink, grease and dirt from surfaces and hands.
Revitalizing the surfaces of wooden utensils such as bowls and cutting boards.
Shedding water and snow from weather gear such as galoshes and snow shovels.
Preventing diaper rash.
As a makeup base.
For seasoning cast iron cookware.

As a sexual lubricant [oh, I can picture the Google hits already], it has been popular for some 40 years, as it is long-lasting, cheap, and does not exude a strong odor. However, as with other oil-based lubricants such as Vaseline, it can degrade latex and is unsuitable for use with latex condoms.

For episiotomy prevention. [I am totally NOT going into details on that one; use your imagination – it involves “seasoning” like the cast iron skillet.]

Okay, now all I have left to do is cutely alter my Crisco can in such a way that it won’t lead to behind-my-back gossip if people spot it in my bathroom.

Is your brain telling you to overeat?

Sometime around 1989, I worked for a company where the new owner, a very petite woman, began “cleaning house” when she took over by eliminating many of the employees who came with the purchase and bringing in new employees of her own choosing. Not all that unusual, except the employees she fired were all overweight - and the ones she brought in were not. As one of the new employees she brought in, I felt just awful about all these really nice people who were losing their jobs. I felt even worse when I was told, in confidence, by another employee that the new owner did not like overweight people. She felt being overweight showed a lack of self-control and discipline and those were not the kind of people she wanted working for her.

Sadly, I don’t think this attitude is all that uncommon.

There is some new research being done by an international team co-led by the University of Michigan that suggests some people may just be genetically predisposed to overeating. Being overweight, in many cases, may have absolutely nothing to do with self-discipline. As you know, I’m no scientist and find some most all science to be strictly dullsville, but I find this fascinating.

What it boils down to is this: The research team “found six new genes that help explain body mass index and obesity, and all but one of the genes are tied to the brain rather than to metabolic functions, such as fat storage and sugar metabolism.” So the scientists look at these things when they are trying to develop new drugs and determining where in the body they want them to act.

Now here’s the part of the research that might make you wet your pants. SH2B1 (quite the catchy name) was first discovered by U-M researchers studying mice. The researchers created an obese mouse then returned it to its normal weight by turning on the SH2B1 gene in the brain.

Let me repeat that in case you were skimming and missed it: The researchers created an obese mouse then returned it to its normal weight by turning on the SH2B1 gene in the brain. Holy crap. TURN ME ON ALREADY!

Oh, and I’m curious to know if they turned that SH2B1 gene back on by sprinkling Sensa on the tiny little bowls of mouse food. The article wasn’t clear.

I would like to say I’m genetically predisposed to overeating, but I think the truth is that I often lack self-control in that area. When I really work at it, I don’t overeat.

How about you? If you have (or had) a weight problem, do you feel overeating is something you might be “hardwired” to do, or do you honestly feel it’s something you could control if you worked harder?

You can read the whole (short) article here, written by someone who understood what the heck they were talking about.

Tacky or hilarious?

Or hilariously tacky? In case you want to plop down $23 for a giggle, you can buy it here.

Kitchen Tip: Aluminum Foil

Did you know that each and every box of aluminum foil has a little triangular shaped notch at each end that you are supposed to push in to lock your roll of foil into place?



If you guys tell me you already knew this, I am going to feel like the biggest dunderhead in the history of the planet. Almost fifty years of chasing foil around the kitchen and I never even suspected there was a hidden secret to neatly unrolling the stuff.

No, that is not my hand, so keep your comments about “man hands” to yourself.

The Target brand of aluminum foil also has the tabs. Saran Wrap, too. My Reynolds waxed paper did not, but since I’ve had that same box of waxed paper since approximately 1987, I am not entirely surprised.

I am so anxious to go cover something in Saran Wrap now. I wonder what Mr. Jelly Belly is doing….

Organic Fun!

My very dear friend, New Midlife Mommy, always discovers the most interesting things during her travels of the internet. Her most recent find was so fun, and the ultimate product for a lazy cook such as myself, I just had to share it with you.

I introduce to you – Organic Batter Blaster: Pancake batter in a can. Yes, you read that correctly. In a CAN! Just shake it up and spray it on your griddle. No muss, no fuss, no crummy preservatives – and only 112 calories per serving. Awesome.

And good news for me - it appears to be available at my local crappy Kroger. What a shocker. Next time I force myself out to the grocery store, I'll pick some up and let you know if I love it as much as Regis and Kelly do.

But, hey, if Regis and Kelly LOVE it, it must be good, right?

Handy!

These Pen-Tips could be a nice tool to keep around the office for those occasions you’re dying for a yogurt and have no utensils. Especially when you don’t want your co-workers to catch you licking the yogurt out of the container. Again.