No willpower? No problem.

Seriously. You should never believe me when I say I’ll be right back. I have quite a few posts half-written and a severe case of writer’s block. Oh, and need I even mention my lack of self-discipline?

But my lack of self-discipline is actually related to what I wanted to talk about. I came across an excerpt from a book that I haven’t read (nor do I have any intention of reading), entitled “100 Days of Weight Loss” by Linda Spangle. The book apparently has “thought-provoking” articles for each day.

The excerpt had to do with the difference between being interested in losing weight and being committed to losing weight. Think about that. Most of us are interested in losing weight. Sure. Why not? Throw us that magic pill and we’ll be all over it. Just don’t expect us to give up too much. Oh – and make it easy, will ya? Because if I diet for one full day and that scale doesn’t move, then it’s just too hard and, frankly, I’d rather have a doughnut.

But when we’re committed to losing weight, we stick to our diet plan – no matter what. We decide what we want and we do whatever we have to in order to get there. If that means staying away from fast food, even when we’re hungry and tired, skipping certain social events, and planning and prepping meals - when we’d much rather be lying around watching TV armed with a bag of Cheeto’s – then that’s what we do.

Personally, I call this the difference between willpower and WANTpower. I have no willpower. Oh, I might have it for several hours, but then it fades away the minute I smell pizza. But wantpower? I’ve got it!

Wantpower is when you want something so badly, you’re willing to sacrifice just about anything to get it. For example, if there was some $200 gadget (or pair of boots!) you really, really wanted but couldn’t easily afford, you would probably be willing to give up your $4-a-day Starbuck habit for a while and save up the cash. It would be hard at first to go without your daily Skinny Vanilla Latte, but you would keep your goal in sight and before long, as you watch those unspent dollars piling up in your piggy bank, you would forget how much you used to enjoy that Latte.

To pass up all the wonderfully-bad-for-me food that shows up at work this time of year, I literally have to stop myself, one hand already stretched out to grab a handful of chocolate-covered cashews, take a deep breath and picture myself wearing something tucked in. With a belt. Without back fat. Then I can walk away. Because I want to be that vision of myself WAY more than I want ANY food. And celery sticks are a pretty reasonable substitute for chocolate, right?

So the point of all this is – if you’re really interested in losing weight or in just eating healthier, screw thoughts of willpower and kick your wantpower into high gear.

It makes it so much easier to just say no.

Oh, and P.S. - A funny thing happens when you stay away from your blog too long. Anonymous commenters. Ugh. They’re all over the place. But I hope if you were reading old comments, you managed to find yourself some good sources for Viagra. Because that’s impotent important.

Creating good habits

New Year’s Day. The traditional time for fresh starts and resolutions to make this year better than the last. Do you routinely make resolutions that you can’t keep? I have done that so many times that I stopped even bothering to make them. This year I’ve decided to work on ways to make those resolutions stick.

First, realize that hanging on to our bad habits can destroy us; creating good habits can transform us. The mysterious “they” say it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. So, instead of thinking of what we are going to do for an ENTIRE YEAR, maybe we should think of what we can do for the next 21 days. Ah, a much more manageable goal.

Have a specific plan. Setting vague goals, such as, “I want to lose some weight this year” or, “I would like to get in shape,” are the equivalent of resolving to find a genie to pop out of a bottle and grant you three wishes. You have to know EXACTLY what you hope to accomplish and how you are going to do it.

Baby steps. Resolving to exercise for an hour every single day when you’ve previously been a couch potato is just too much. Setting a goal of 15 minutes a day, with an eye to working up to an hour a day, six days per week, is better. Some exercise is better than none, so don’t feel your 15 minutes a day is wasted. It’s good for your self esteem to be able to say, “Yay, I exercised for 15 minutes today!” – instead of saying, “I suck; I can’t stick to my goals” and grabbing a cookie to console yourself.

Be realistic. If you HATE the gym, don’t make it a goal to go to the gym five days a week. You are setting yourself up for failure. Instead, how about making it your goal to find an exercise routine you can live with and even enjoy. Look for exercise classes or home videos that interest you. Keep trying until you find something that “clicks”.

Don’t say I will lose five pounds per week for the next six weeks. Maybe you will; but probably you won’t. How about one pound per week? Sounds like a waste of effort, doesn’t it, but remember, over the course of the year that’s an impressive 52 pounds.

Know how you plan to lose those pounds. Will you weigh and measure your food? Drink 8 glasses of water every day? Join a weight loss group? Count calories? Avoid fast foods like the plague? Give up your daily (380 calories) venti mocha frappuccino? Whatever it is, write it down and plan to do it for just 21 days. Find healthier alternatives for the things you are giving up. Really enjoy that trip to Starbuck’s every day? Research their drinks – find something less damaging and LEARN TO LOVE IT. If you start off with an attitude of deprivation, you are surely destined to fail. A positive attitude can make all the difference.

Re-evaluate your new routines after 21 days. Is this working for you? Does it need tweaked? Do you feel better? Worse? Is it still too challenging? Do you hate it? Love it? Can you do more? Should you cut it down a little? Make adjustments to your plan and get started on the next 21 days.

And since I’ve resolved to quit writing posts that are too dang long, that’s it for today. What are YOUR goals for 2009?

Motivation from an unexpected source

Over the last few weeks I haven't been feeling all that well in general and, as a result, my eating habits have gone straight down the toilet. Figuratively, of course. I haven't planned any meals (too tired), haven't done any serious grocery shopping (too tired) and have been eating way too much fast food (cooking? Hah!). Do I even need to bring you the news from the exercise front?

Although I am too afraid to step on the scale and see the official damages, I know it is bad. Very bad. I am pushing the limits on the smaller size pants I have been wearing and developing quite a little muffin top. There is FAT creeping up around my bra strap. It is ugly. Very ugly. So that's the background, now here's the story.

Mr. Jelly Belly and I bowl on Thursday nights on a league made up of people he works with and assorted family members thereof. It is a fun league and low pressure.

Now this Thursday I think I was at the height of hating the cow I was turning myself back into. I had sworn over and over that I would never be fat again. And yet, here it was. I was bloated and headachy and disgusted with life in general and myself in particular. My favorite black t-shirt that once comfortably and, dare I say, attractively, molded itself to my reasonably flat stomach (and nary a muffin top in sight) was too tight when I put it on before bowling Thursday night. And I looked huge. But I was forced to wear it because I had to go directly to bowling from work and that was the only top I had with me.

I imagined people laughing at me behind my back about the large amount of weight I'd managed to regain. This did not motivate me. This made me want to eat a bacon cheeseburger and chili fries. Which I didn't, so don't worry.

So anyway...on to the motivation from unexpected sources. The team we were bowling against had an absent bowler, so a kid who works with them (same employer, but they don't work directly together) decided to come in and sub. Now, I say "kid" because I'm old, but he was probably in his mid to late 20's. Cute kid. And when I say "cute" I mean cute personality. Although he was cute physically, too. For a kid.

We bowl the first two games and everything's going along fine. I have a couple of brief conversations with the kid - much like I would with my own kids or their friends - light and casual, meaningless conversation. You know the kind.

So in the third frame of the last game, the kid just sits down, takes his shoes off and announces that he has to leave now, his girlfriend is coming to pick him up. Just like that. Weird, right? The other team was not amused. Much reconfiguring of scores and handicaps goes on and we finally finish the game.

As we were sitting around draining the remainder of our adult beverages and rehashing the odd behavior of the kid, a guy from the other team, who is about the same age as us, turns to Mr. Jelly Belly and say, "I literally had to stop that kid from hitting on your wife. He told me about four times how hot he thought she was. That's why I introduced you to him, thinking it might make him shut up about it." Mr. Jelly Belly just laughs, but I was flabbergasted. Totally flabbergasted.

I say something about how I'm 50 years old, for pete's sake. Mr. Jelly Belly quickly reminds me that I still have a few months to go and the other guy says, "Well, you've still got it going on."

How about that? I've still got it going on. I appeared cool and collected on the outside, but on the inside I was doing a happy dance. I was flattered beyond belief and my motivational mojo returned just.like.that. Maybe things aren't as bad as I thought. Within minutes, my head was spinning with diet and exercise plans for the next week. I can't wait to get started and may even hit a Weight Watchers meeting tomorrow morning. There is hope for me after all.

Hey, I think that makes me a MILF. No, wait. I have three grandchildren. I'm a GILF. And that feels pretty damn good.

Putting a positive spin on things

I try my best to look for the positive in any situation, and to always look for the good in people (surprisingly, you can usually find at least one thing to like about anyone), and nothing drains my energy faster than a chronically negative person. We’re all entitled to a rant and/or a whine here and there; sometimes you have to get it out – and I think that’s perfectly fine.

But I often hear myself saying things like, “ugh, I have to go do such and such” or “oh, God, I just don’t feel like doing that” when I think of things that I need to do or have to do. And I never looked at that as being negative. But it really is, isn’t it?

Yesterday, I read something that gave me pause. (Please forgive me for not remembering what blog I read this on.) When this woman said to her therapist, “I have to exercise today” the therapist suggested she turn around her thought process and look at it instead as, “I get to exercise today.”

Wow. Talk about an aha! moment for me. What a simple way to change your entire outlook. And it really made me think about all the whining I've been doing lately.

Here are some recent things I just didn’t want to do followed by how I am now approaching them:

“I just don’t feel like going to work today.”
Many people don’t have this option; the economy sucks and unemployment is rising steadily. I may not have the greatest job in the world, but it’s not the worst either – plus they give me a paycheck every single week. Yay! I get to go to work today!

“Ugh…not grocery shopping again!”
I am thankful I have the resources to buy food any time I darn well feel like it and that I live in a country where it is readily available – and my stomach has never been painfully empty. Many people are not that fortunate. Yay! I get to go grocery shopping!

“I so do not feel like exercising today.”
Look at me! I got out of bed on my own power and walked around, totally unassisted. I have full use of my arms and legs and everything else is in relatively good working order – and I intend to keep it that way for as long as possible. Yay! I get to exercise!

“Dammit...not another birthday party”
I am grateful we have friends who think enough of us to want to share their milestones with us. Yay! We get to go to a party!

“I don’t want to clean this stupid house.”
I am thrilled to have a home of my very own to clean. Many people do not. And, while I’m at it, I’m thankful that I have a dishwasher (so I don’t have to wash every stinkin’ dish by hand), and my own washer and dryer (so I don’t have to trudge off to the laundrymat every week). Yay! I get to clean my house!

“Crap. I have to call my mother for her birthday.”
I am thankful that my mother, at age 76, is still around and in good health – and I’m even more thankful that I can pick up the phone any time I want and hear her voice. How much longer will I be able to say that? Many people would gladly give everything they own in exchange for just one more conversation with a departed loved one. Yay! I get to call my mother for her birthday!

Those are the things I remember being negative about this week. I’m sure there were more. So how about you? Can you put a positive spin on some of the things you don’t really want to do?

My busy, busy life

A man was standing on a street corner, hitting himself on the head with a hammer. Another man walks by and asks him why he is doing that. The man replies, “Because it feels so good when I stop.”

That old chestnut pretty much sums up how I feel about exercise. For the most part, I enjoy exercise. Well, the part of it that feels so good when I'm done. I have lots and lots of excuses for why I can’t exercise on this day or that day.

These are some of the arguments I have with myself regarding my motivational problems:

WHINY ME: I cannot exercise at home when other people are home. I am just too self-conscious and don’t like to hear the occasional smart ass comment.

PRACTICAL ME: You are up a good 2.5 hours before everyone else. Longer on the weekend. Unless the kids are home, it’s just you and Mr. JB, and he likes to waste half his day by sleeping until 10:00.

WHINY ME: Sometimes after I exercise, I feel so exhausted I want to go back to bed and am afraid I will feel too bad to be able to go to work.

PRACTICAL ME: Even if you really were too exhausted and had to go back to bed, you would still have two hours to sleep before you actually HAD to be up for work. You could pass on the internet. (WHINY ME: Eek!)

WHINY ME: I am afraid I will be walking my steady 3.5 mph pace on the treadmill and have a heart attack. I will fall down and no one will find me until they wake up three hours later. By then the dogs will probably be chewing off parts of my ears.

PRACTICAL ME: Don’t be an ass.

WHINY ME: By the time I get home from work and make dinner, I am too tired too exercise.

PRACTICAL ME: You are not.

WHINY ME: I don’t know how to work all the remotes to operate the DVD player.

PRACTICAL ME: I kind of do. Don’t tell anyone.

So the question now is, how am I going to get it to feel so good when I’m done, if I can’t even find the time to get started?

If I were to take an honest look at how my waking hours are spent during a typical week day, I would have to report this:

4:00 am – 6:30 am – Internet time. Sit on my ass, drinking coffee, checking mail, reading blogs, playing games.

6:30 am – 8:00 am – Shower, hair, makeup, etc., dress, pack lunch, head out the door for work.

8:00 am – 6:00 pm – Drive to work, put in my eight hours [this involves a whole new subset of time wasting, but doesn’t affect my ability to exercise], drive home.

6:00 pm – 7:00 pm – Change clothes, make dinner, feed the dogs, throw a load of laundry in the washer, make coffee.

7:00 pm – 9:30 pm – Internet time. Sit on my ass, drinking coffee, checking mail, reading blogs, playing games.

9:30 pm – 10:30pm – Clean up dinner mess from kitchen, fold the laundry, read a chapter or two in current book, plead exhaustion from too much work; go to bed.

So you can see, that without cutting into my already too short sleep time, I just don’t have time to exercise. Every minute of my day is pretty full.

But I’m thinking I could find 30 minutes in that 6:00-7:00 pm time slot. It’s all about the priorities.

It really IS all about me

I’ve reached a point in my life where I just don’t want to “diet” anymore.

I’ve spent the better part of thirty years obsessing over a weight problem that didn’t really exist, all the while engaging in eating habits that were totally out of control. After the age of 35 or so, when a weight issue really did manifest itself, I looked into every fast weight loss gimmick I could find. Some of them worked; most of them didn’t.

I no longer want to wonder if apple cider vinegar will make me drop weight. Or if a $90 “fat burner” really will. Or if I really COULD shoot 20 pounds out of my body by having a colon cleansing.

I don’t want to worry about whether or not there is an overgrowth of yeast in my system. Or about whether I should detox. Or if I’m gluten intolerant.

The list just goes on and on. I’ve grown tired of wasting too much time and far too much money looking for the quick fix.

I think I can safely say there isn’t one single product on the market today that will cause me to lose weight while I sleep, or while I continue to eat whatever I want, or while standing on my head and reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, for pete’s sake.

It’s just not going to happen.

No matter how many weight loss programs I join or how many products I buy, it all comes down to one thing: Me. It’s all about my personal motivations and my willingness to expend the effort necessary to maintain a healthy weight.

I’ve given up the fantasy of ever employing a low-carb chef and a personal trainer. I know what foods to eat and in what amounts I should eat them. I know the types of exercises that are important and how often to do them. There is no one else who can do these things for me, or make them any easier.

I am officially dropping the word “diet” from my vocabulary. I will no longer obsess over numbers on a scale. I will eat sensibly and exercise regularly. I will continue to do those things which I have found work for me, and not worry about what may or may not work for other people.

And let the pounds fall where they may.