Oral stuff

Now listen. Don’t go getting yourself all excited. This post is not about THAT oral stuff. Keep your minds out of the gutter. The oral stuff I want to talk about has to do with your teeth and gums. Not nearly as exciting, I know, but important nonetheless.

Did you know that that periodontal (gum) disease may be a risk factor in heart disease, stroke, bronchopneumonia and premature or low birth rate babies? And did you further know that periodontal diseases are caused by a buildup of plaque and tartar?

Plaque is a disgusting build up of germs that sticks to your teeth and gums and then makes acid from the sugar and starches you eat. And those acids keep pounding away at your teeth for 20 minutes after you eat. That’s how you get cavities. Repeated attacks of acid.

If you don’t get rid of the plaque with regular brushing AND flossing, it hardens and then turns into tartar and infects your gums, causing redness and easy bleeding.

As you know, a bad dental experience kept me away from ANY dentist for seven years. And even though I always brush twice daily, I was a sporadic flosser. If I did it twice a week, I thought I was doing pretty well.

So it was not a big surprise to me when I finally worked up the courage to go back to the dentist to find that I did in fact have gum disease. Ick.

When you have gum disease, the hygienist likes to do a deep cleaning of your teeth (a process with the awful-sounding name of root planing and scaling) in four separate appointments – one for each quadrant of your mouth. Cost? $1000. Crikey!

So when the brave hygienist took a look in my mouth, she cleaned off some of the tartar at the gum line and then told me she would put me “on probation” for four weeks to see if I could improve it a little on my own and save some money on the deep cleaning.

When I got home, I turned on QVC (as is my habit when I’m depressed) and what do you think they were presenting? A little product called Oraparx – an at-home system that they claimed would bust up the plaque not only on your teeth, but even below the gum line. I took this as a sign and immediately ordered it. For under $20, I didn’t think I had much to lose.

Basically, this system consists of a tube of a toothpaste-like substance (which I suspect is mostly baking soda and hydrogen peroxide) and a foam rubber mouth tray. You fill the tray on both sides with the paste, put it in your mouth and leave it in for at least 10 minutes, but not more than 20. I use it while I’m in the shower; the timing works out perfectly.

You would normally use it only once a week or so – less if your teeth look like this:

And perhaps significantly more often if they look like this:


Being somewhere between the two, I used it for seven days straight and then every other day until my return dental appointment. The end result was that I only had to have the deep cleaning on 3 teeth – I had managed to clean the rest of them enough that they didn’t need them. And I saved $750. Pretty impressive, I thought.

I immediately went to the Oraparx website and got into their auto-delivery plan and continued to use it two to three times per week. And when I went back for my 3-month cleaning (which is another thing they make you do if you have periodontal disease), the hygienist said the improvement in my gums was “practically unheard of”.

So if you haven’t been to the dentist in a while, or if you are one of those people who have a lot of plaque build up for no good reason, or if you just want to improve on your oral health, seriously…get this stuff. I highly recommend it. Your gums will thank you.

I had some more to tell you – about a cheap, cheap teeth-whitening product, but this is too long already so I’ll save it for another time.

Plums vs. blueberries

So we all know how blueberries have long been the reigning king queen of the superfoods, right? One of those rare foods that is not only incredibly good for you because of its high levels of antioxidants - but delicious, too!

Well it seems the blueberry’s throne might be wobbling a little bit. New studies have shown that plums match or even exceed the blueberry in terms of antioxidants and phytonutrients.

What makes the plum an even better option is that while people rarely eat more than a few blueberries at a time – in cereal or a fruit salad – they will always eat a full plum. Or two. Or three. (But maybe that’s just me…..)

I love me some plums. I think they are my second favorite fruit – after the banana – so this was really good news for me. Plus they’re usually cheaper than blueberries. Or they were. I’m sure when word gets out about how plums have knocked blueberries off their high horse, the prices will start to go up. Funny how that works.

Oh, and don’t peel your plum….the skin is where all the good stuff is.

A crappy computer and a doctor's appointment

Whew. Internet Explorer really sucks, eh? For the last two weeks, every time I go into Blogger – either on my blog or yours – about 100 windows start popping up. Then I play “Whack-A-Mole” trying to close them all out while others keep opening up. It’s annoying and time consuming. Does this happen to anyone else, or is it just me?

Being old and somewhat resistant to change, I have long refused to switch to Firefox, even though I’ve had it downloaded forever. Finally, even I could see the benefit of using it and I hope everything will be okay now. One window at a time and blogging life looks good again.

So anyone who knows me knows of my hatred distaste for the medical profession in general. I have been jerked around for 23 years with this thyroid issue and nobody seems to know how to fix it. Or wants to spend any time trying to figure out how to fix it. I finally got fed up two years ago after going to a highly-rated holistic MD who did nothing but sell me hundreds of dollars worth of overpriced supplements and hand me a large bill. No improvement in my overall health so I said, “screw them all” and haven’t been to a doctor since. I feel just as bad but at least it’s not costing me any money.

But all good things must come to an end and when my thyroid swelled up so large that I could no longer eat without fear of choking to death, I decided it was time to find someone to at least do the blood work and order a biopsy to make sure the little malfunctioning bugger hadn’t turned cancerous on me.

Of course I had to have a complete physical – it’s required of all new patients. What a racket. But, okay…I haven’t been in two years, and I AM 50 now, so I guess I’m alright with that.

And, by the way, I hate filling out health history forms for 15 minutes, only to have the doctor come in and start asking you the exact same questions you just answered on all those forms. Is it too hard for them to at least scan the form before talking to you? (And I also think some of those questions are none of their business – like my sexual history. I’ll discuss that with my gynecologist, thank you. I left lots of unanswered questions on the form; they didn’t seem to notice.)

So she did all the usual things and said, except for the thyroid thing, I was in great shape. She wants me to have a colonoscopy (yeah, we’ll see) and an ultrasound on my thyroid. They took lots of blood and I peed all over a cup in a cup and I’ll get those results on Monday.

But here’s the only thing that really pissed me off. I get done with all that and go to pay and the receptionist says, “oh, the doctor wanted you to have these referrals,” and she hands me a business card for a gastroenterologist (for the colonoscopy), which I quickly dropped to the bottom of my purse, and two business cards for general surgeons.

General surgeons? WTF? I asked what those were for and the receptionist was also puzzled. She tried to call the doctor who was with another patient so I didn’t get an answer on that. Don’t you think if she thought I needed a referral to a general surgeon she would at least discuss it with me? I’m guessing she’s jumping the gun and assuming the thyroid has to come out. Without even seeing the results of the blood test or the ultrasound.

So, yeah. Not overly impressed with this doctor, either. But she did give me the prescription I asked for - Retin-A for my huge pores and overall aging skin. Made the visit all worth it, in my opinion.

The search for a competent doctor continues. Next stop (after all test results are in): The University of Michigan Medical Center.

And how was YOUR week?

Is your food making you sick - and tired?

So all I wanted to do was find out if it was true that food sensitivities can cause major problems with your health. As is the case with most of these seemingly simple things I like to look up, there was just TOO MUCH SCIENCE involved in the whole subject and it made my head hurt. Why do I keep doing this to myself?

The overall answer appears to be yes, hidden food sensitivities can contribute to a large number of health problems. Depending on who you ask.

Would you be surprised to learn that traditional medicine thinks testing for food sensitivities (which is different from a true allergy) is all bull hockey, while naturopaths and holistic practitioners believe in it whole-heartedly? Doesn’t surprise me any. If patients can eliminate symptoms by diet alone, what would that do to the drug industry? What? No prescriptions to write? We can’t have that, can we?

So back to this food sensitivity thing. I was originally reading an article with the catchy title, “Your Hidden Food Allergies Are Making You Fat” – because, you know, no one would read the article if it didn’t stress the weight aspect of the subject. Anyhoo, I read the article, which I found interesting and wanted to learn more about food sensitivity and how it relates to other health issues.

Statistics show that only about 5% of adults have true food allergies, while 80% have food sensitivities. Pretty high number. The claim is that these hidden food sensitivities, which cannot be detected in standard allergy testing, can cause some of these symptoms:

celiac disease/gluten intolerance
fibromyalgia
weight gain or inability to lose weight
extreme fatigue
autism
ADHD
hyperactivity
anxiety and panic attacks
insomnia
chronic pain
depression
irritable bowel
migraines
ear problems
sinus problems
arthritis
gallbladder attacks
headaches
bone and joint pain
gastrointestinal distress

And that’s just a partial list.

So what causes food sensitivities? I read an interesting article about how our immune systems have changed very, very little from our hunting and gathering days. The days when we would basically eat what was available and in season. We couldn’t store grains, so we didn’t eat them every day. Now all kinds of foods are readily available year round and we eat tons of the same things every single day. But our bodies weren’t designed to eat like that and, eventually, our immune system becomes sensitive to those foods. Or something like that. I’m no anthropologist – but you get the drift.

I have personally noticed how various foods affect me adversely. I cannot eat bread. I bloat severely and gain weight immediately if I do. Is it the wheat? Is it the gluten? I don’t know, but I do know there is something in there that my body just doesn’t like. If I stay away from it, not only do I feel better, but my weight drops. I have discovered that tree nuts will trigger a migraine. Not allergic, but definitely sensitive. I have been told that I am allergic to casein, a milk protein. No major allergic reaction, but I sure don’t feel good when I eat anything that contains it. Sugar makes me flat out sick. Always has. And there are other odd symptoms I have that I am convinced are food-related – but I just haven’t been able to track down which foods they are. Yet.

Which brings me to the testing. ALCAT testing (the testing mentioned in the big fat allergy article, above) is designed to pinpoint your specific food and chemical sensitivities with a simple blood test. Then, armed with this knowledge, the patient eliminates all of the foods to which they have been found to be sensitive. Health restored, weight lost.

Sounds easy enough. The problem is, number one, the test is uber ridiculously expensive – anywhere from $400 to $1100, depending on the number of items you are being tested for. Out of range for the average suffering Joe. Number two, even if you could get your doctor to do the test for you, your insurance probably won’t cover it. Number three, there are equally divided reviews on the test’s effectiveness. And, again, I believe that division is between the traditional and alternative camps.

I would LOVE to be tested for food and chemical sensitivities. I would love to know RIGHT NOW which foods are causing problems with my health. And, okay, I’ll admit it – my weight. Unfortunately, my recent QVC spree has left me a little light in the wallet. It’s my understanding there are other, less expensive, tests that can be done – but they’re still not $1.98. So, until I win the lottery, or my insurance company gets with the program, I’m going to have to stick with my hit or miss method of sensitivity detection. And be miserable.

Do you feel there are some foods that you might be sensitive to? Do you have symptoms that your doctor doesn’t seem to be able to fix? If money were no object, would you shell out the cash to be tested? Even if you might find out that you’re sensitive to, say, HOPS, and your beer drinking days would be over? Or am I the only one who truly believes what we’re eating could be making us sick?

Coconut oil - a wonder food?

Okay, so you know what “everyone” says – saturated fats are BAD. Mono and polyunsaturated fats are good. Shoot, I say it myself. Turns out this may not be entirely true.

Saturated fats from animal sources, as in meats and cheese, are still considered to be bad. These are the ones that clog your arteries, leading to heart disease.

But now we have a new kid on the block. Well, not really new, but definitely the beaten down and bullied kid on the block. You know, the one the other kids don’t like because he’s different. They say mean, untrue things about him and spread the word. Then, pretty soon, everyone hates him and avoids him, based solely on heresay. You know, because all the cool kids are doing it. What a shame. If they took the time to know him, they might find he’s a wonderful person.

In this, my first feeble attempt at a metaphor (or is that an analogy? I can never keep them straight), the new kid is coconut oil – and the bullies are the soybean industry and Big Business in general.

Back in the late 70s, or early 80s, people began to get Freaked Out about saturated fats and the related rise in cholesterol levels. Then, from what I have read, the soybean industry decided to prey on this fear and spent oodles of money in a marketing campaign designed to share with the masses that saturated fats and tropical oils were Bad and only vegetable oils were Good.

And who do you think profits from an ad campaign like this one? That’s right. The vegetable oil industry. Who I would assume are more concerned with their bank accounts than your health.

Pretty soon, like a game of “telephone” the word spread that coconut oil was bad. Nobody bothered to do their own research…they just took the word of Big Business as fact and passed the flawed information along until it was widely believed as God’s Honest Truth.

Over the last few years, people like Dr. Joseph Mercola (see video below) and The Weston A. Price Foundation, among others, have started their own much smaller campaign touting the benefits of coconut oil

As you certainly know by now, I hate all things science related, so I’m going to just give you a brief description of why the saturated fat in coconut oil is okay, and the saturated fat from animal sources is not. If my description doesn’t do it for you and you are science minded, I encourage you to search out the details for yourself. And there are a lot of sources for it, via our friend, Google.

The saturated fat in coconut oil is a medium-chain triglyceride, while the saturated fat from animal sources is a long-chain triglyceride and they are processed by the body in totally different ways.

MCT’s are almost instantly broken down by the enzymes in saliva and gastric juices so that pancreatic fat-digesting enzymes are not needed. They are much more water soluble than LCT and can be readily absorbed across the wall of the small intestine and into the blood stream for transportation directly to the liver. (God, I’m already getting a headache.) The upshot of all of this is that, although coconut oil is high in saturated fat, it doesn’t convert over to fat in the body because of how quickly it is utilized.

Virgin coconut oil contains lauric acid (medium chain fatty acid). This is stressed in every single one of the million articles I read as being of High Importance. Lauric acid is found in mother’s milk and is what helps build the immune system of the newborn and fight against disease. Once the lauric acid is digested in the body, it is converted into monolaurin acid, known for its antiviral, antibacterial, antifungal and antimicrobial properties.

So, that’s enough of the science for me. Too much, really. The point I wanted to make is that many people are experiencing great health benefits by adding coconut oil into their diet. I have no doubt that its increased popularity has to do with its weight loss and thyroid-boosting properties.

Coconut oil can be used to cook with at high temperatures without losing its benefits, unlike olive or hemp oil, which are best used unheated. Many people use it as a replacement for butter in anything, including baking, and report no discernible difference to the end product.

Let’s look briefly at a couple of the many reported benefits beyond thyroid boosting and weight loss:

Coconut oil helps to improve nutrient absorption of minerals like calcium and magnesium, thus helping to prevent osteoporosis. It increases the absorption of some of the B vitamins, the fat-soluble vitamins (A, D, E, K and beta-carotene) as well as some amino acids. Coconut oil has been recommended in the treatment of malnutrition.

Coconut oil can help speed healing of cuts and burns, and because of its antifungal properties, it’s also great for infections such as ringworm and athlete’s foot.

Dang, I hate it when these posts get so long. I’m trying to just hit the highlights, but there’s so much out there!

Making a too-long story shorter – the recommended therapeutic dose of coconut oil is 2-3 tablespoons per day. You should buy an organic, extra-virgin coconut oil for best benefit. I bought the Nutiva brand, based on the excellent reviews (you should read them, they’re interesting). It’s delicious and smells yummy. It comes in solid form and melts at room temperature. I am plopping a hunk of it in my oatmeal in the morning as well as cooking with it. Mr. Jelly Belly has not made any whiny comments about the taste of the food, so he must not be noticing it.

I am going to admit three things: I have noticed increased energy. Not like I’ve turned into Wonder Woman and am go-go-going from dawn till dusk, but definitely an improvement from my normal zero-energy level.

While going through a short patch of less-than-stellar eating habits (that’s a whole ‘nother post), I have not gained one pound. In fact, I have lost two. THAT shocked me. I had been avoiding the scale since I had been eating so much (not necessarily Bad Things, but too much of them) so when I decided to bite the bullet and assess the damage, I was pleasantly surprised.

I hate to admit this one, but I have a toenail fungus. Ick. I have had it for what seems like forever on my big toe. Lamisal did not work. Home remedies did not work. I have resigned myself to having it for life and to never wearing sandals again. I am actually seeing new clear toenail growth at the bottom of that toe. Coconut oil? I don’t know. But it’s interesting.

So, as if this post isn’t already long enough, I will leave you with two videos that you can watch for further information. They cover all the other important facts that I left out. The first, by Dr. Mercola, while rather dry, presents the facts in an easily understood way and is actually very interesting (6:15). The second is perkier and gives the facts but it’s a bit longer (9:38).

And then I encourage you to draw your own conclusions as to whether or not coconut oil is a hero or a villain. I’m going with hero.

An antibiotic experiment

As a result of my unfortunate dental experience last week, I was prescribed Clindamycin, an antibiotic, that I was told to take every 6 hours. With a concerned look on her face, the dentist also warned me that this drug might cause some unpleasant side effects – like nausea and “explosive” diarrhea. Explosive diarrhea? Hah! Very unlikely. At my age, I LIVE for anything to keep the old system moving.

And, of course, any time you’re prescribed antibiotics you always have to worry that you’re going to develop the dreaded yeast infection. Ugh. Nausea, diarrhea and a yeast infection. My immediate future was looking quite bleak, indeed.

A few hours after the very first double dose, I developed some severe gas pains. Like so bad I was bloated up to the size of a seven-month pregnancy with pains shooting all the way up to my shoulders and neck. Pretty uncomfortable. I even had to get off the internet and go lie down. Now THAT’S bad.

That’s when I decided that I was going to fight fire with fire and add some probiotics into the mix.

I had recently been reading about probiotics and learning about how our immune system “starts in the gut” and that the disruption of friendly flora can cause all kinds of problems that you might not relate to your intestinal tract.

In a perfect world, the “good” intestinal bacteria keeps your digestive system working the way it’s supposed to. These microbes help to complete the digestive process in the intestines and colon, and some produce vitamins. Other evidence suggests that, without these little friends slaving away in our digestive tract, our entire immune system will not function properly, lowering our resistance to harmful bugs.

An antibiotic, by design, will go into your system and annihilate ALL bacteria – the good along with the bad. And the destruction of the good bacteria is what causes the unpleasant side effects of the antibiotic.

Although it sounds counterintuitive to add the probiotics (won’t the antibiotic just destroy any probiotic that you add?), it has been found to be helpful to keep the good bacteria coming in while you are battling the bad bacteria. Although some of them will be destroyed (along with some of the bad), enough of it will remain to prevent your system from being totally wiped out by the antibiotics. Then when the next dose of antibiotics comes in to kill more of the bad, it also gets some of the good that remained – so you throw in some more. Just to stop them from being totally depleted.

But the timing is what’s important. Because I was taking the antibiotic every six hours, I added the probiotic every three hours (it should be taken no sooner than two hours after the antibiotic – and with food) during the day. You should also continue to take the probiotic at least twice a day for a week or so after you finish the antibiotic treatment.

And guess what? After the first miserable day, I never had another problem with side effects. I felt a little poopy over the weekend, after I had foolishly left my probiotics at work, but all was well when I started taking them again. And, even better news – no yeast infection. Yay!

You can buy an acidophilus supplement, like I did, or you can add back the friendly bacteria through foods like yogurt, sauerkraut and miso.

In yogurt, look for the words “live” or “active” cultures. This means it contains the good kind of live bacteria. Also, the seal “National Yogurt Association” means the yogurt contains at least 10 million bacteria cells per cup.

In a supplement, you want to find a probiotic that contains at least hundreds of millions of bacteria, but preferably more than one billion. And look for an enteric coating – this ensures the bacteria will get to your intestine without being destroyed by your stomach first. I hear the probiotics that require refrigeration are probably the best, but I didn’t want to have to deal with refrigeration. Lazy.

I am trying to be all adult-like and not be grossed out by the idea of eating bacteria. The lack of a yeast infection is making that a lot easier to handle. So the next time you have to take antibiotics, give it a try. It can't hurt you – and it will probably help. A lot.

Is it all just a genetic crapshoot?

I love Mr. Jelly Belly more than life itself. Truly, I do. But that sonofabitch is really getting on my last nerve.

As I have mentioned before, Mr. Jelly Belly is my dietary cross to bear. He only eats two vegetables – peas and corn – and the peas must come from a can. He hates ALL fruit (except applesauce). He will only eat white bread and turns his nose up at any whole grain that isn’t brown rice.

Red meat is a daily staple and he refuses to try a ground turkey alternative. He thinks Hamburger Helper is one of the greatest food products on the market. He drinks approximately four liters of Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi every single day and finds water too dull to bother with.

Every morning he drinks a Slim Fast and eats a Nutri-Grain bar; he just can’t get enough refined sugar. If we go out for breakfast, he orders the “Hungry Man Special” – three eggs, hash browns, bacon, sausage AND ham. And white toast, of course. Cholesterol? Pfffft.

He laughs in the face of sodium and snacks on Taco-flavored Doritos or barbecue potato chips. Every night. Fast food is his friend.

But none of that is why he’s torquing me off; I’ve come to terms with all that. What’s getting to me is what happened when he participated in a health fair at work last week.

His employer, together with their insurance company, offered free health screening for their employees. They checked BMI, percent of body fat, cholesterol, sugar, blood pressure – all of the usual things.

First of all, he was measured at 6’ tall and weighed in at 230 pounds. Okay, overweight, and his BMI was 31, or “borderline obese”. I hate those BMI classifications. He’s not borderline obese - he’s a very solid 230. No jelly in that beer belly. Which brings me to his percent of body fat: 14. Yes, that’s right - 14% body fat. WTF? According to the provided charts, that is considered “very good” for a young man of 19. Mr. Jelly Belly is 49. I asked him if he was sure their testing instruments were calibrated properly. Acting insulted, he assured me they were.

Overall cholesterol was 173 (where anything under 200 is considered optimum). Bad cholesterol versus good cholesterol? Perfect. Blood glucose levels? Right on the money. Blood pressure? Nothing boiling there.

At this point, I accused him of having someone else’s test results. This got me a rather loud snort and some rude, pompous comments about who might be the better eater in our family.

This really got me to wondering if it’s all just a big old genetic crapshoot. If what we eat or don’t eat really makes that much difference to our health. For our weight, yes, of course it does. And for people who already have a known issue like diabetes, high cholesterol or high blood pressure – then, yes, absolutely, diet will make a big difference to your overall health.

But for the average person, will eating “right” actually prevent you from ending up with heart disease or diabetes if you are somehow genetically vulnerable to getting them? And what if your personal genetics are such that you will NEVER develop those things – then should you even bother with a healthy diet?

Unfortunately, we don’t really have any way of accurately knowing where our genes are going to take us. We can look at family history, sure, but even that doesn’t necessarily give you the whole story. Mr. Jelly Belly’s family is loaded with early-onset heart problems, so you would think that would be an issue for him, as well. But, no; he faithfully keeps his annual physical appointments to make sure there is nothing amiss and so far, so good.

Is he just dodging a future bullet – or is he genetically programmed to not ever develop diet-related health issues?

I guess I’m not personally willing to roll the dice on that one. I’ll keep on doing what I’m doing and hope for the best - and pray Mr. Jelly Belly is bullet-proof.

It amuses Mr. Jelly Belly to no end to see how this irritates me. He has graciously offered to give his dieting advice to those of you who might be in need of his expertise and has asked me to share his favorite tip: When making a bacon sandwich, fry one pound of bacon and split it between two sandwiches. On Wonder bread, not toasted. Add a generous amount of Miracle Whip. Not mayonnaise. Miracle Whip is the key to a good diet.

And there you have it. Diet tips from Superman.

Don't drive yourself bloody neurotic

I came across a link to this video, "Five Steps to a Beach Body" by Mark Bailey that offers some simple advice to healthier eating. It seems a little long, but it goes fast (eye candy) plus some of the stuff he says made me laugh (he uses the word "crap" almost as much as I do). And it just makes sense.

Half-truths annoy me

Honestly, I don’t know why I keep reading these women’s magazine articles on food and nutrition. There is almost always something in them to annoy me. Mostly because I just know someone will read these articles and take every word as actual fact - and that’s not always such a great idea.

Yesterday I gravitated toward an article in Women’s Health Magazine which listed the 7 “Best Fitness Foods for Women”. Mostly I just skimmed through their easy reading slideshow to see what they were (you can go look, but they’re the exact same foods that are on every “superfoods” list – nothing that will make you want to rush out to Kroger and stock up) but I came to a dead stop when I saw “Eat the yolks”. Hmmm. Really? Is this some new research I need to know about? What did I miss? Here’s what it said:

Don't skip the yolk. One egg a day supplies 215 milligrams of cholesterol—not enough to push you over the 300-milligram daily cholesterol limit recommended by the American Heart Association. Plus, the yolk is a good source of iron, and it's loaded with lecithin, critical for brain health, says nutritionist Susan Kleiner, Ph.D. What does brain power have to do with exercise? Try doing a sun salutation without it

Think about that for a minute and, ignoring the sun salutation reference, see if you can figure out why that’s not the best advice. Yes, their expert advice is technically true. But, do you only eat one egg? And, if you do, do you not eat any other cholesterol-containing foods (meat, poultry, dairy, baked goods) all day? If you stop at that one egg, then certainly you’ll be in like Flynn. And how old am I with that expression?

Curious, I headed over to the American Heart Association’s website to see what was up in the world of egg yolks and found the above-quoted "fact" to be a mere snippet of what the AHA actually said. The full quote was:

One egg contains about 213 milligrams of dietary cholesterol. The daily recommended cholesterol limit is less than 300 milligrams for people with normal LDL (bad) cholesterol levels.

They then went on to say that if you ate that one egg for breakfast, drank two cups of coffee with one tablespoon of half-and-half each, lunched on four ounces of lean turkey breast without skin and one tablespoon of mayonnaise, and had a 6-ounce serving of broiled, short loin porterhouse steak for dinner, you would have consumed about 510 mg of dietary cholesterol that day — nearly twice the recommended limit. And seriously? Most of us don’t eat that carefully.

Here’s the worst part and a caveat that wasn’t even mentioned in their article – people with high LDL blood cholesterol levels, or who are taking a blood cholesterol-lowering medication, should eat less than 200 mg of cholesterol per day. In this case, that single egg yolk would already be TOO MUCH.

But what I’m really annoyed about is that they MADE ME GO LOOK THIS UP. Now how am I ever going to enjoy a 3-egg ham and cheese omelet again?

Wow. Sodium really sucks

I try to avoid processed foods as much as possible. Not because they’re generally full of ingredients I can’t pronounce, but because it always seemed that whenever I ate them, I gained weight. I enjoy a Lean Cuisine panini every now and again and assumed the jump in weight I enjoyed afterward was carb related. I think I was wrong.

Experts are always advising us to avoid frozen meals because they are “high in sodium”. But what constitutes “high”? How much is enough and how much is too much? I realized I didn’t have a clue, so I looked it up.

For purposes of perspective, let’s first look at these facts about sodium:

Amount your body actually needs on a daily basis: 500 mg

Maximum amount you should take in on a daily basis: 2300 mg

Maximum for people who are black, over 50, or suffering from high blood pressure: 1500 mg

Amount of sodium in one TEASPOON of table salt: 2300 mg

What I ate for breakfast, lunch and afternoon snack on the day I looked this up:

1 serving of oatmeal
2 cups raw cauliflower, 1/2 cup raw broccoli, ¼ cup sliced green olives, 1 ounce lean ham which I mixed with a dressing made with fat-free sour cream and Hidden Valley Ranch dressing mix
1 Lite Flat Out whole grain wrap
2 ounces Hillshire Select turkey breast
1 slice Kraft 2% Swiss Cheese
1 cup of strawberries

Total sodium for above (according to Sparkpeople)? 3400 mg.

That’s off-the-hook insane. I hadn’t even eaten dinner yet and I was well over the “legal limit” for sodium consumption. And I thought I was eating so well. Sigh.

Salt is used as a preservative, which is why the sodium content of most processed foods is so high. Frozen meals, lunch meats, cheeses and breads are crazy high. And, please – go grab a can of Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup and take a look at that. Ouch!

Comparing the sodium content of 3 ounces of white meat turkey with 3 ounces of lunch meat turkey freaked me out a little bit:

Turkey you roast yourself: 55 mg of sodium. That turkey from the deli? About 900 mg.

So now you may say, “But Mrs. Jelly Belly, I like salt - and I am a rebel, to boot. Why should I care about sodium content?” Because, dear person, too much sodium – especially in people who might be sodium sensitive, leads to high blood pressure, which leads to other ugly things like stroke, cardiovascular disease and kidney failure. And if you don’t care about that, how about water retention? Now THAT’S ugly.

Your body does require a certain amount of sodium to function. But if you get too much and your kidneys can’t eliminate enough of the excess, it starts to accumulate in your blood. The excess sodium attracts and holds water, increasing your blood volume. Increased blood volume, in turn, makes your heart work harder to move more blood through your blood vessels, increasing pressure in your arteries. And there you have it – high blood pressure.

I am not going to obsess over this sodium thing. I am not. What I will do, however, is pay more attention to labels and make some small changes:

- Roast a turkey on Sunday and use the leftovers for sandwiches and salads during the week. Cheaper than lunch meat and it tastes better, too.

- Avoid processed foods – and fast foods. (Yikes! You should look that one up, too.)

- Use herbs and spices for flavoring food, rather than salt-based seasonings.

- Opening a can of beans? Dump them in a colander and give them a good rinse before using them. You eliminate a lot of the sodium that way.

- Buy low-sodium canned goods whenever possible.

For your sodium viewing pleasure, you can look up the sodium content of a lot of foods here. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

A rainbow full of antioxidants

All those colorful fruits and vegetables aren’t just pretty to look at – each different color group contains antioxidants that offer different health benefit for your body. As we all know, the more antioxidants we can get from natural food sources, the healthier we will be.

Red fruits and vegetables, like tomatoes, red kidney beans, red onion, red bell pepper, radicchio, watermelon, pink grapefruit, cherries and strawberries are full of lycopene and vitamin C. Tomatoes have a higher concentration of lycopene when they’re cooked, such as in tomato sauce, canned tomatoes and even ketchup. Research has shown that lycopene-containing foods can help to prevent certain cancers and heart disease.

Orange and yellow fruits and vegetables like sweet potatoes, carrots, pumpkin, oranges, tangerines, mangoes, corn, apricots, pineapple, and melons are full of carotenoids. The body can convert these carotenoids into retinol, a form of vitamin A, and prevent vitamin A deficiency. Carotenoids not only play a strong role in cancer prevention and anti-aging, they are also thought to enhance the immune system. Good to know during cold and flu season.

Green vegetables like spinach, greens, watercress, and broccoli are high in lutein. Lutein is concentrated in the retinas of your eyes and is crucial for good vision. A diet with a high concentration of lutein can help ward off cataracts and macular degeneration. Lutein can also be found in orange and yellow fruits and vegetables.

Blue and purple fruits and vegetables like blueberries, blackberries, red grapes, plums, cabbage, purple onions and eggplant all have several important nutrients and phytochemicals. These antioxidants prevent tumors from forming, protect against cancer, improve your memory and keep your heart healthy.

White isn’t technically a color of the rainbow, but there are plenty of white fruits and vegetables that are good for you, too! Cauliflower, garlic, onions, pears, potatoes and jicama all have their benefits. Eating potatoes with the skin on is a great source of fiber and potassium, needed to keep your heart healthy. Sulfur compounds in garlic and onions may help fight stomach and colon cancers. Onions and pears may also help protect against allergies.

So mix ‘em and match ‘em – many antioxidants, when combined, actually increase each other’s health benefits. Make a great big colorful salad and zap the heck out of those nasty free radicals.

Dirty foods

There was a headline article on Yahoo! last week that listed the five dirtiest foods. More fuel for the germ hysteria in this country. Eggs, peaches, pre-bagged salad, cantaloupe and scallions. Not really surprising when you think about it, but thinking about it was where I was just a little lax.

Triple-washed, pre-bagged salad needs to be WASHED? I honestly did not know. The only reason I spend the extra money on the pre-bagged stuff is so that I DON’T HAVE TO WASH IT. I’m lazy like that. And who knew the outside of cantaloupe should be washed so you don’t drag the disgusting germs from the outside onto your freshly cut fruit?

I’m just not going to worry all that much about my cantaloupe. I’ve been eating it for a good many years now and have had nary a problem. But I had to give pause when one of the commenters mentioned LEMONS as being a filthy addition to your restaurant/bar drinks. They roll on the floor, sit next to raw meat on counters, get touched by dirty hands and on and on - and THEN they are cut up and thrown into your drink.

I’m an iced tea drinker, so this information kind of gave me pause. And a little nausea. And I resolved to never have a lemon in any drink again. Until the very next day a waitress asked if I would like lemon in my tea. “Yes, please,” I said. So much for resolve. And I drank the tea and didn’t get sick. Or die, even.

Huh. Guess my love of the lemon overrides my fear of dirt.

Artificial Sweeteners: Hero or Villain?

There are those who claim that aspartame (Nutra-Sweet, Equal) and sucralose (Splenda) are the cause of a huge list of health disorders. I find it hard to believe that one chemical, by itself, could cause so much damage when used in moderation (although I am watching aspartame as another possible migraine trigger).

I hear so much about the dangers of artificial sweeteners that I sometimes think I should give it up, along with foods containing refined sugars or high fructose corn syrup. But, because I’m the type of person who rarely adds sugar to anything, is it necessary? Would I be consuming enough of these things to make avoidance of the occasional “sweet treat” worth it?

Is it the artificial sweeteners themselves that are a danger to dieters – or the types of food in which they are contained? Sugar-free cookies are still cookies. And whether those cookies contain a zero-calorie artificial sweetener, refined sugar, or organic sugar, the other ingredients around the sugar still contain empty calories. Follow me?

I tend to buy sugar-free products – not necessarily for dietary reasons, but because the ingestion of sugar makes me feel kind of poopy and sends me straight to the couch for a nap.

So where is my artificial sugar intake? Pudding, jell-o, sugar-free maple syrup, DaVinci Gourmet flavored syrups, and the occasional brown sugar Splenda on sweet potatoes or oatmeal. I don’t eat any of these things on a daily basis.

Where I don’t add sugar: Coffee, tea, cereal. And I rarely have a soft drink – maybe one glass every two or three months. When I’m hungover.

Things I enjoy that are sweet enough without ANY added sugar: Strawberries, bananas, grapes, watermelon, apples, unsweetened fruit juice and applesauce.

Sugar in any form is one of those things that becomes an addiction – the more you have, the more your body craves. And the funny thing? The more fruit I have, the more I crave. Point being? Once I started eating at least five servings of fruits and vegetables daily (usually two fruits and three to five vegetables), the refined sugar cravings pretty much went away. I started to crave the fruit instead.

Plus, eating all those fruits and vegetables takes time. Especially if the vegetables are raw. Chew, chew, chew. You hardly have time to run out and find some sugar. And if I DO get a craving for something sweet? Sugar-free jell-o to the rescue. Artificial sweetener and all. Saved me many times from grabbing a cookie or four. Or a pumpkin pie. And, my friends, I think that’s a GOOD thing.


Some related links:

An interesting table of sugar alternatives

An article on 124 reasons to avoid sugar

Tracking down the allergens

From the time I was 10 years old until I was about 15, I was plagued with two seemingly unrelated physical ailments. One was a rash that covered my inner arms from my wrist to just above my elbow. It was horribly itchy and I often scratched at it until it bled. I wore long sleeves a LOT.

The other was migraine headaches. From what I know now, they were “classic migraines” – the type that begin with a vision disturbance similar to what happens when a camera flash nails you directly in the eye. White spots clouding my entire field of vision. I knew when this happened, a crushing headache was in my immediate future. There was nothing I could do to get rid of it except to go to bed and sleep for 4 or 5 hours straight – and pray my head wouldn’t explode before I could wake up.

Both of these things disappeared around the same time and didn’t rear their ugly heads again until about five years ago. The rash on my arms has moved, in a much lesser form, to my back – still itchy, but I never scratch it until it bleeds. Mostly because I can’t reach the itchiest parts. And the migraines? Just the vision disturbance now, mercifully no longer followed by the headache, but sometimes accompanied by numbness in different areas of my face. My doctor said it was a “headacheless migraine.” I never heard of such a thing. But he’s the doctor and he would know, right? There was no discussion as to what may trigger them.

Hmmm. Puberty and menopause? I have long assumed they were hormonally related and didn’t really give it much thought – unless I was temporarily blinded, or acting like a bear, trying to rub my itchy back against a tree. Well, not a real tree. A metaphorical tree, if you will.

Two years ago I was diagnosed with a dairy allergy. Specifically, an allergy to casein, a milk protein. When the doctor told me that, I could have cried. He said some people actually DO cry when he relays the bad news. No cheese? Ever? Well, just shoot me now. So, in the way I have of justifying anything so that I can continue to do whatever the hell I want to do, I call this allergy a “sensitivity” because it isn’t life threatening. And I continue to eat it.

And my back gets itchier and itchier.

The vision disturbances, by far more unsettling than the itchy back, were a tougher nut to crack. Which is kind of a pun, considering what is to follow. The first time I was able to connect the migraine to food was after I had eaten mixed nuts. Because it was almost immediate. Unfortunately, there were about 100 different kinds of nuts in there, so I had no idea which one did it. So I laid the blame at the door of the Brazil nut. Because I don’t really like them that much and I don’t eat them too often. So they’d be easy to give up.

About a month ago, I bought Mr. Jelly Belly some walnuts. For the Omega 3’s. He’s allergic to fish (not that he’d eat it anyway) and he won’t touch flaxseed, so we thought it would be the best way for him to get the Omega 3’s in. Except I started eating them. About an ounce every day. And I got a migraine. Every day. Well, you don’t have to be Einstein to figure out that connection. So no more walnuts for me.

Yesterday, my daughter, who was home from school for Thanksgiving, made some white chocolate macadamia cookies and left them sitting out - right where I could see them. Although I had warned her if she made them to immediately put them in ziplock bags and hide them in her room. Because I am trying to stay away from sugar and those are my favorite cookies. Oh. And because I have no willpower.

So I ate two of them. Result? Immediate migraine. Add macadamia nuts to the list. So I looked up “tree nuts” because I have heard they are a pretty common allergen and I was wondering if I was allergic to ALL of them.

Fortunately, I don’t think so. I ate almonds the other day and was fine. And I don’t recall a problem with either cashews or pistachios. Although I’d deny it if I did (they’re my favorites). Which leave pecans, which MAY be a problem. I don’t eat those very often, either, and don’t recall the last time I had one. But I’ll put them on the list anyway.

I’m hoping the nuts are the only triggers. I guess we’ll see. (Dear God, don't let it be caffeine.) But my next project is wheat, because I’m also convinced I have a sensitivity in that area. I’ve been in denial, but the way my body reacts whenever I eat wheat makes me think it may be a problem. That will be a tough one, but when I was mostly off all flour products, I really did feel a whole lot better. And I could totally live without the constant bloat.

So for one week, and one week only, I am going to see what happens when I become:

Sugar-free
Dairy-free
Wheat-free
Oatmeal-free

I only added the oatmeal to the list because this is as good a time as any to break that particular obsession.

I’ve written menus that I think I can live with for the week and I’ll start tomorrow as soon as I can drag myself to the grocery store. Wish me luck. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Feed your head

Don’t get excited – I’m not going to talk about “feeding your head” in a way Grace Slick might advocate. Although she now claims that famous line in White Rabbit meant “read a book”. Yeah, Grace. Whatever.

These days, though, even Grace might appreciate a new way of feeding our heads. With foods that have been shown to keep your brain healthier and help protect against Alzheimer’s Disease. And I am all about doing whatever I can to keep that at bay. An ounce of prevention and all.

No big surprise with number one on the list: Blueberries. Another of the “superfoods” – high in antioxidants, sure, but they also act as an anti-inflammatory. And that’s a big one-two punch against aging cells, especially in the brain.

I also wasn’t surprised to see Green Leafy Vegetables make the list. Spinach, especially. The reason this works for your brain is the high concentration of folate, a B vitamin. Folate is helpful in preventing strokes, which account for 25% of dementia cases.

And a big shout out to my favorites, Cruciferous Vegetables. Those are vegetables like broccoli, cauliflower and brussel sprouts. Studies done at Harvard showed that women who ate more of those vegetables did better in tests of memory and cognitive skills than women who ate the least. Significantly better. Like the equivalent of being two years younger in terms of memory.

Go a little nuts with Healthy Fats. The healthy fats, found in foods such as nuts, avocados, salmon, mackeral, tuna and olive and canola oil help to lower your cholesterol, protect your arteries and fight inflammation. And studies have shown that people with diets high in these fats (unsaturated and unhydrogenated, of course) have a much lower risk of developing Alzheimer’s than those whose diets are high in saturated and trans fats.

And here’s a surprise. Alcohol and Juice. I’ve never met anyone who seemed smarter when adding alcohol, but apparently moderate alcohol usage (for women, averaging one half to one drink per day; and for men, averaging one to two drinks per day) benefits the brain as well as the heart. They think this is due to increased blood flow to the brain, reducing the possibility of mini strokes. Moderate drinkers also do better on cognitive tests than non-drinkers. And juice? Listen to this fascinating statistic: People who drink just three glasses of fruit or vegetable juice per week had a 75% lower chance of developing Alzheimer’s Disease. Holy cow – 75% is huge.

I admit I tend to stay away from juice because of the sugar, but I think this has just convinced me to go back to an old favorite of mine, Absolut and grapefruit juice. Three times per week for strictly medicinal purposes. I can totally live with that.

Cinnamon: The wonder spice

I had heard long ago that cinnamon was effective in maintaining blood sugar levels, so I started putting a heap of it on my oatmeal every morning. Because it can’t hurt, right?

But it turns out that cinnamon has been used since ancient times for medicinal purposes. This I did not know. There are claims that it can help everything from taking the sting out of insect bites to curing a yeast infection.

Here are some of the health benefits that have been attributed to cinnamon:

Lowering cholesterol: Just a ½ teaspoon of cinnamon per day has been shown to lower LDL (bad) cholesterol

Reducing blood sugar levels: Again, just a ½ teaspoon of cinnamon added to your diet per day can lower blood sugar levels.

Protecting against heart disease: Cinnamon is a source of calcium and fiber (who knew?) and, as such provides some protection against heart disease.

Curing respiratory problems: A person suffering from a severe cold should take one tablespoon of honey with 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon powder daily for 3 days. This home remedy is said to cure most chronic coughs and colds and clear the sinuses.

Boosting brain power: Cinnamon boosts the activity of the brain, removing nervous tension and improving memory. Studies have shown that just SMELLING cinnamon can be beneficial for cognitive function and memory, as well as increasing one’s alertness and concentration.

Fighting infections: Cinnamon has antifungal, antibacterial and antiparasitic properties that have been shown to be helpful in fighting both internal and external infections, including yeast infections, stomach ulcers and head lice. (Don’t ask me how; I couldn’t find specifics on how this is done.)

Reducing arthritis pain: The anti-inflammatory compounds in cinnamon have been found to be useful in reducing the pain of arthritis. A recent study showed patients given a ½ teaspoon of cinnamon, combined with one tablespoon of honey every morning had significant relief of arthritis pain after one week and could walk without pain within one month.

Assisting digestion: Adding cinnamon to most recipes can aid digestion. It has been shown to help with indigestion and in removing gas from the stomach and intestines.

Bolstering the immune system: A paste of honey and cinnamon gives a boost to the immune system and removes fatigue. It is also said to have anti-aging properties.

Stopping the itch: The sting can be taken out of an insect bite by applying a paste of cinnamon and honey. But I would imagine you would want to make sure you are far away from the bee or mosquito that bit you before you apply the honey.

So there you go. A few things you probably knew and a few things that maybe you didn’t. It sure sounds like the cinnamon-honey combination is good for just about anything that ails you. I always have cinnamon around, but I guess I’ll have to pick up some honey. Sounds worth trying to me.

But please don’t overdo it – too much cinnamon can be toxic.

Be careful what you're putting on that pumpkin pie, Missy

The other day, I was having a discussion about pumpkin pie with my lovely niece Melissa (as I’ve told you…I live for the pumpkin – and Melissa is very like-minded) and, naturally, the conversation progressed to whipped toppings.

I mentioned that I prefer Reddi-Wip myself but Mr. Jelly Belly only likes Cool Whip so, of course that’s what we use. Melissa reminded me that I shouldn’t eat that “nasty stuff” because it’s loaded with trans fats and other fake, unhealthy ingredients.

I only buy fat-free Cool Whip. I buy that because I assume anything labelled "fat-free" is, indeed, free of fat. And I'm all about shaving those calories wherever I can. (Yeah, don't even suggest I give up the whipped cream entirely.)

I felt so gullible. After the big post I wrote on trans fats and the "per serving" scam and learning about what to look for in the ingredients list, I never even looked at the ingredients in Cool Whip. At first I didn’t believe her. This is FAT-FREE Cool Whip, not regular. But I had a sinking feeling.

Quickly, I googled up the ingredients, praying it wasn’t so. And what I found will keep me off of the Cool Whip forever.

Cool Whip contains hydrogenated oil, but according to the FDA (and I was confused about this) only oils that are “partially” hydrogenated contain trans fats. So, Cool Whip doesn’t contain trans fats, but what it does contain may make your hair curl.

I found a very enlightening article on Wired.Com that breaks down Cool Whip’s ingredients and calls it “a delicious blend of sugar, wax and condom lube.” Mmmmm…condom lube.

If you have been avoiding Cool Whip because of the trans fats, I guess this means you are free to enjoy it again. If you can enjoy it after you read this description of its ingredients. Yuck.

Here’s the Wired article in its entirety, or you can find the original post here. Any added emphasis is mine.


A delicious blend of sugar, wax, and condom lube.
Source: Wired.com

Water

It's the main ingredient. But like any whipped product, Cool Whip contains a high percentage of air. At 41 cents per ounce, you're buying mostly water and air for just over twice what it would cost to whip real cream yourself.

Natural and Artificial Flavorings

Cool Whip doesn't really taste like much, but Kraft's recipe for blandness is a trade secret. That means the company doesn't have to disclose the specific flavorings.

Corn Syrup and High-Fructose Corn Syrup

Sugar by other names. Corn syrup is mostly glucose. High-fructose corn syrup is corn syrup treated with amylase and other enzymes, which together help convert glucose into fructose. A diet high in fructose is known to make lab mice fatter than other diets, so keep your research animals away from Cool Whip.

Hydrogenated Coconut and Palm Kernel Oil

Cool Whip needs to feel like whipped cream in the mouth without actually being, you know, made with cream. One cheap, reliable way to replicate the texture is by using semi- solidified plant oils. The best method of solidifying plant oils: Bubble high- pressure hydrogen through them. Of course, if not done completely, the result is trans fat. These days, Kraft avoids that.

Polysorbate 60

Polysorbates are made by polymerizing ethylene oxide (a precursor to antifreeze) with a sugar alcohol derivative. The result can be a detergent, an emulsifier, or, in the case of polysorbate 60, a major ingredient in some sexual lubricants.

Sodium Caseinate

Also common in powdered non-dairy creamer, this protein derived from cow milk helps oil and water mix.

Sorbitan Monostearate

Chemists call this stuff synthetic wax, and it's sometimes used as a hemorrhoid cream. It's one of the magical substances that keep Cool Whip from turning to liquid over time in the fridge.

Xanthan and Guar Gums

These are natural thickeners, and together they provide more viscosity than either does alone. Guar also helps retard the formation of ice crystals, another key to preserving fluffiness.


Doesn't that all sound yummy? Melissa tells me Whole Foods carries a perfectly delicious version of Cool Whip. And I'll bet it doesn't have one ingredient in it that would ever be used in the manufacture of hemorrhoid creams.

You know, I own a wire whisk or three - and an electric hand mixer. Perhaps I'll start whipping my own cream. It has just GOT to be easier than this.

Whipped Cream

1 cup heavy cream

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 TBS confectioner's sugar

In a large bowl, whip cream until stiff peaks are just about to form. Beat in vanilla and sugar until peaks form. Make sure not to overbeat, or cream will become lumpy and butter-like.

On metabolism, menopause and muffin tops

Why I hate doctors: Part 3

[I originally wrote this as a stand alone post and then lost it. Happily, I found it so I have decided to use it as Part 3 of my thyroid series. Because it pretty much covers the entire last ten years of my life, since being diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease. It’s slightly rambling and incoherent but, well, that’s me.]

There is very little difference between an excuse and an explanation, so I’m going to call this post an explanation – but you can feel free to call it an excuse.

For the last two months or so I have been feeling totally like crap and finding it hard to do anything productive or worthwhile. My biggest problem lies in constant hot flashes, happening ten to twelve times a day and several times during the night. During the evening, it is followed by teeth chattering chills (I have taken my temperature at this point and it usually registers between 96.5 and 96.9). Sweat, freeze, sweat. Repeat. This does nothing for my resolve to get more sleep. It is almost impossible.

It’s uncontrollable and exhausting and the embarrassment factor makes me want to stay in my house and go nowhere. To a certain extent, I enjoy being a hermit, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life that way.

Over the last year that this has been happening I have put off making a doctor’s appointment because I find 98% of the doctors I have been to irritating and frustrating.

And I’ve further convinced myself that whatever doctor I see is going to attribute these problems to menopause – based strictly on my age. And they won’t listen to me when I try to tell them it may be something else because, I’m old, menopausal and deluded. Oh, and stupid. I heard some rumblings in the menopausal direction the last time I saw a doctor.

But the truth of the matter is, I really don’t think this problem with my internal furnace is menopause related. At first I did, but I don’t think that anymore. I think it’s directly related to my untreated thyroid gland, with perhaps some adrenal issues thrown in for good measure. But even when I ask, they refuse to do any testing on my adrenal glands. Why is that? Why do they act like running a special test is taking money out of their pocket?

Here’s how a typical appointment with an endocrinologist goes. It is already frustrating enough without adding in the menopause factor. (In the vernacular of MizFit, please to excuse the language.):

Asshole Endo #9: Your thyroid is really enlarged.

Me: (Thinking: No shit, Sherlock; it looks like an Adam’s apple) Yes, it is.

AE9: We should send you for a biopsy.

Me: (Sigh – I’ve done this many times before) Okay.

One week after the biopsy I go back to the Endo for results. Because, you know, they can’t just tell you on the phone – there’s no office visit money in that.

AE9: Good news – the biopsy is negative.

Me: Good. (Waiting to hear where we go from here)

AE9: So make an appointment in about three months and we’ll see how it’s coming along.

Me: (Thinking: Fuck you, fuckstick Aw, go jump in a lake.) Okay.

So, again, I have wasted my time giving this doctor my 20-year thyroid history, just to have my symptoms ignored and told – “Come back in three months”. Do you think there is anything they could possibly do to alleviate any or all of these symptoms?

No, there is not. Because, apparently, they are confused. And stupid, but that’s another story. Although my blood work sometimes shows my thyroid to be OVERactive, my symptoms have always been those of an UNDERactive thyroid. I have read this is common with Hashimoto’s disease – for your TSH levels to swing back and forth. Ignoring my symptoms, and looking only at the blood test results, their biggest suggestion is that they can “nuke” the thyroid (radiation cocktail) and kill it. No thank you. I have read too many horror stories.

(Interesting side note: Recent studies have shown that the use of radioactive iodine to destroy the thyroid is usually the LAST course of action in Europe, but it is the FIRST course of treatment in the U.S. Why? Because it’s easier for the doctor. For some entertaining reading on this ridiculous procedure go here – and be sure to scroll down and read the “precautions” and you will see why I would rather have them cut the dang thing out than “nuke” it)

So to make this long story short (I know, too late) I have finally come to a point where I’ve realized I’m just going to have to bite the bullet and make that appointment because there may be no other way to get some relief. Ignoring it really isn’t working for me.

And if the next one doesn’t fix me, I’ll try another one. And another. Because my health (and my quality of life) is really too important to leave in the hands of healthcare professionals who don’t care. I’m sure there is someone out there with whom I will “click”, so I’ll just keep trying.

Now on to the muffin tops. I notice that I have developed them. Ick. See what happens when you feel generally poopy and think eating well and exercising is too much work? Muffin tops. This cannot happen. So, it’s off to endocrinologist number 10 for me. As soon as I can work up the energy to find one and make the phone call.

Wish me luck. No, wait. Wish HIM luck. Because if he tries to blame this all on menopause, I may have to kill him.

What your doctor doesn't know CAN hurt you

Why I hate doctors: Part 2

Pretty much the only time you hear about the thyroid gland is when someone tells you how they just can’t lose weight because they suffer from a “thyroid problem.”

As a result, when most people think of the thyroid gland, if they think of it at all, they think, “eh, thyroid gland…big deal.” But it is kind of a big deal. Every cell in the body depends on thyroid hormones for the regulation of metabolism and if it’s out of whack, trust me, you will be a total mess.

Prior to the 1970’s, all thyroid problems were diagnosed based on symptoms and treatment was given based on the abatement of those symptoms. Today, those symptoms are oftentimes quickly diagnosed as “depression” and treated with anti-depressants. Not only does this not help to alleviate the patient’s symptoms, it’s also dangerous to the patient’s health.

Undiagnosed and untreated hypothryoidism can lead to infertility, high cholesterol, and heart problems – among other things. There are many people of the opinion that conditions such as Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (coincidentally, new diseases that popped up after the ‘70’s) are nothing more than undiagnosed hypothyroidism.

I don’t want to get overly technical here, because I’m no expert, but what it comes down to is this: Thyroid problems, either hypothyroidism (an underactive thyroid) or hyperthyroidism (an overactive thyroid) are diagnosed based on the amount of thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH) put out by the pituitary gland. If you have too much TSH floating around in your system, you are hypothyroid; too little and you are hyperthyroid.

In the early ‘70’s the test for diagnosing thyroid irregularities was created based on the TSH levels of 200 test participants. A range of “normal” was then created and has become the standard. Unfortunately, the volunteers who participated in this study may or may not have been 100% free of thyroid problems. So what do you suppose this does to the normal range? It skews it so far out of line that a patient with test results in the “normal” range may actually be hypothyroid.

A “normal” range of .5 to 5.0 was created and became the ONLY thing doctors have looked at in the past 30 years.

The truth is, if your TSH level is 4, you are probably hypothyroid. A new range of .3 to 3.0 has been recommended, but most doctors haven’t paid attention. Thyroid patients have found that they feel best usually around 1.5 or 2. But nobody is going to do anything to get your level down to 1.5 or 2 because 4 is “normal.”

If your TSH level is in the “normal” range, doctors generally couldn’t care less what your symptoms are. You are FINE. Quit whining. And pay the receptionist on your way out.

When I think back to the very first doctor I saw about this problem (my ob/gyn because this started with the birth of my second child) he said to me, “Oh, that all definitely sounds like your thyroid,” and I remember him being puzzled because the blood work all came back normal. He actually said, “I would have SWORN it was your thyroid, but I guess I was wrong.” See? He was right on the money but second guessed himself because of that flawed “normal” range. If he would have gone with his instincts and treated me based on my symptoms, I could have avoided all this misery. Instead, he was the first doctor to give me an anti-depressant.

If you have any of the symptoms of thyroid disease, even though your test results have been normal, I suggest you do some reading at Stop the Thyroid Madness. It was an eye-opener for me. The knowledge I’ve acquired there hasn’t done anything to “fix” me, because every endocrinologist I have ever met has been a total asshole, but at least I know what I’m dealing with.

If I could fix this thing myself, I would. Unfortunately, I can't, so I'm at the mercy of doctors who won't take one extra minute trying to figure out what is wrong with me and how to make it all better. Where is Dr. House when I need him?

To be continued…don’t worry, only one more…

Why I hate doctors: Part 1

People are always saying to me, “Mrs. Jelly Belly, why do you dislike doctors so much?” Well, okay, that’s a lie. No one has ever asked me that. But if they did, and if I was able to tie them up and force them to listen to my long, sad story for a couple of hours, following is what I would tell them about my 22-year battle with doctors.

So welcome to yet another 3-part mini-series (please direct hate mail to NaBloPoMo), this time relating to thyroid glands and doctors who just don’t care.

Suppose you started feeling sluggish and unusually tired even though you were getting enough sleep. Suppose, in addition, that you started to have problems with concentration and memory and that you no longer got any enjoyment from the things you once loved to do - and even the smallest task began to seem like too much trouble. What if your hair and skin got extremely dry and some of your hair even started to fall out?

If those things happened to you, a previously energetic, happy, focused person, you would most likely make a doctor's appointment, right? Assuming, of course, that you could conjure up the energy to pick up the phone to do that. Because you would want this thing fixed. And you would want it fixed now.

So suppose you get to the doctor's office and s/he tells you that it is all probably "nothing" and you are just rundown due to recent childbirth/menopause/menstrual cycle/burning the candle at both ends/the weather, blah blah blah, but s/he will humor you by having your blood tested.

Your blood tests all come back within the normal range. Your doctor pats you on the head, either literally or figuratively, and tells you to get some sleep and everything will be fine. In the meantime here is a prescription for Prozac. You are probably depressed. Even though you are very happy with your life, you take the prescription and pray that it will bring relief. It does not.

And although this same appointment happens over and over again over the course of ten years and under the care of five different doctors, no one ever considers it might be your thyroid gland. Because your blood work is all normal. Let's try different anti-depressants. We'll find one that will fix you. Don't you worry.

In the meantime, your life continues to fall apart because most days you just can't FOCUS or work up an INTEREST in anything. You have dropped out of school and your friendships and family relationships are faltering because you just can't maintain them. It's too hard to pick up a phone and have a conversation. To make plans. To follow through. Reading the daily newspaper is a thing of the past and you can't remember the last time you read a book. The time you spend with your children isn't of the quality you had always envisioned. Your marriage ends, partially because you just don't have the energy to try to fix it.

Until the day comes that your thyroid gland becomes so swollen you can’t swallow your food without fear of choking.

And now, because the Ear, Nose and Throat guy thinks you might have thyroid cancer, you are taken more seriously. For the first time, your thyroid gland is recognized as a potential culprit. Yes, perhaps your blood work might show a slight elevation of your TSH levels, and, oh, wait, there are tons of antibodies floating around in there attacking your thyroid gland. So let's get you biopsied, and sonogrammed and run some radioactive crap through your system just to see what we're dealing with here.

And you let them. Because they have given your problem a real name. Hashimoto's Disease. And now you are sure they are going to fix you. You feel hope.

To be continued...