A little less conversation, a little more action...

How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live. --Henry David Thoreau

La la la la la…pretending I’ve never been gone…la la lala la….

Is 50 too old to develop ADD? Seriously, it’s like I can only concentrate on one thing at a time. No multi-tasking for me. If I’m putting all of my energy into reading and writing about healthier eating, I am putting NO energy into actually doing it. If I’m focusing on losing weight and getting back on track, I simply cannot find the time to write about it.

If I’m obsessed with my HUGE FREAKING PORES, I cannot be bothered about my lumpy thighs.

Bizarre.

Anywho, the good news is I am, indeed, about 95% back on track. The weekends can still use some tweaking, though. The bad news is I am writing this instead of planning my meals for next week.

See what I mean?

After almost passing out while driving the other day (I have self-diagnosed that as a blood sugar issue) I decided to quit screwing around and get serious. And wow, do I ever feel better since I did. I’m trying to stay in a 1200 calorie per day range but the main thing I’ve done is cut out most processed foods. Once you do that, everything else pretty much takes care of itself. Funny how that works.

Also funny is that I just said I cut out MOST processed foods - but I wanted to tell you about two things that I have recently discovered. Both in the processed category. (Picture a smiley face here.)

As a basically lazy person, wasting time every morning until the last possible moment, I hate to have to spend too much time on my lunch. Yes, I know I can do it the night before, but let’s get real.

My niece turned me on to StarKist tuna salad in a pouch. Tuna Salad. In a pouch. As in mayo and onions already included.

I had no idea there was such a thing. My first thought on seeing something like this would have been “ewwww, gross” but she assured me it was good - and even bought one for me. Such a thoughtful girl. And it IS good. And only 90 calories. So now I have that for lunch every day (I like the albacore) together with my second find:


Arnold’s Sandwich Thins. Yes, I know everyone else has already tried these. But I have never been able to find them until recently. So cute – and the perfect size for the tuna salad. One hundred calories of deliciousness. (And gluten. I’ve decided to work on slowly eliminating the dairy first and THEN worry about the gluten…but this is actually the only gluten-containing food I’ve been eating and it doesn’t seem to be bothering me.)

This combo is perfect for the lazy. Although it just occurs to me that it would be even easier if I would just take all five pouches for the week and the package of bread to work with me on Monday morning. Then I wouldn’t have to be bothered with schlepping them every single day.

Since I’ve been snacking on raw vegetables in the afternoon, I am buying those pre-washed and pre-cut. Makes things a lot easier. (I totally would never have made it as a pioneer woman. Never.)

Thoughts of getting back to exercising are tumbling around in my head. But that’s an obsession for another day…and I still have my Huge Pores to think about.

Gluten-free dumbass in denial

As you know, because I whine about it all the time, I feel perfectly shitty 99% of the time. The other 1%? Moderately poopy. The point is, I never feel GOOD. For a long time I attributed that to my thyroid issues. But lately, I’ve been trying to pay more attention to what I eat and how I feel when I eat it.

My conclusion? Gluten. That pesky little protein found in wheat, barley, rye and usually oats. I already knew any type of baked goods affected me badly, causing bloat, weight gain and general misery. And, while I hated to admit it, my beloved Quaker (crack in a box) oatmeal practically put me into a coma. I decided a two-week gluten-free trial was in order.

So I bought a book. Gluten-Free Living for Dumbasses Dummies. And I learned things. Things like autoimmune disorders, such as Hashimoto’s Disease (which I have), are often a symptom of a gluten intolerance. As is a Vitamin D and B12 deficiency (both of which I have). And other symptoms I had also pointed to a gluten intolerance:

Fatigue
Headaches (including migraines)
Inability to concentrate
Hair loss
Low blood sugar
Night blindness

And those are just the symptoms that apply to me. If you read the entire list, you would be convinced that YOU are gluten-intolerant, too.

I learned that most people with gluten allergies or intolerances will not ever be diagnosed. Because doctors don’t usually test for it. That there will be 1 diagnosis for every 140 cases. Don’t ask me how they know that if the other 140 aren’t ever diagnosed, but that’s what they say.

Focusing on all the foods that are naturally gluten-free, such as meats and seafood, fruits, vegetables, nuts, beans, rice, and most dairy, I made a list and went grocery shopping. I decided not to go crazy with buying gluten-free baked goods, such as bread, because I wasn’t really even sure if this was my problem. And for two weeks, I could live with corn tortillas if I needed a sandwich.

It was not all that difficult. I didn’t notice anything dramatic in the way I felt. I ate yogurt mixed with rice and raisins for breakfast instead of oatmeal. I ate a bowl of rice chex with skim milk for a snack. I ate refried beans with cheese and corn chips. Steak and potatoes. Salads. It was not bad.

Still, I lasted only four days. Why? Beer. I caved when we went bowling and they did not sell anything gluten-free. I was weak. But an interesting thing happened when I had that beer. Absolutely nothing. No bloating, no abdominal pain, no gas, no headache. It was the first time in that whole day that I DIDN’T feel bad. I had eaten a gluten-free, sugar-free protein bar that afternoon (Think Thin brand…it was gross) that made me nauseous. And it wasn’t just because it was nasty.

Here is where the dumbass in denial part comes in. That bar contained dairy. As did the yogurt with my breakfast. As did the cheese (and lots of it) on my refried beans at lunch. I was living large in the gluten-free dairy department.

And I’m allergic to casein, a milk protein. Tested and diagnosed two years ago, it is an undeniable fact. One which I choose to ignore. I keep eating it because doing so doesn’t send me into anaphylactic shock or anything. So it must be okay, right? It must be something else making me feel bad. Anything else. Dear God, please. I CANNOT GIVE UP CHEESE.

Sigh. I must give up cheese.

Time to face the facts and deal with them, I guess. So now I will buy more books that will teach me how to live dairy-free (and I might still stay off the gluten…unless it comes in beer) and I will focus on foods that are naturally dairy-free. And I will try to remember that going dairy-free is probably good for me even if I wasn’t allergic to it. And maybe I’ll feel better.

But I don’t like it. No sir, not even one little bit.

Well look what the cat dragged in...

So I was thinking that I should probably think about writing something – since it had been two weeks since my last post (forgive me, Father, for I have sinned) when I realized Holy Crap! It’s been almost a month.

Wow, time really flies when you’re miserable. And I am. Have I ever mentioned that I hate summer? Odd, I know. Everyone else looks forward to it and I seriously loathe it. Especially since Mr. Jelly Belly has gone on a Don’t-Use-The-Air-Conditioning-Unless-It’s-Over-85-Degrees rampage. If it’s 72 degrees or higher, I start to look like this:



And not just the melting part. Whoo boy…cranky!

Thanks to all of you who checked in on me. Yes, I am still alive – but I’m sure there are many around me who wish I wasn’t. (Did I mention cranky??)

The week I was Home Alone was wonderful. The eating was good, the exercising was good and, one day, I even took off work and did nothing but lay around all day in the banned air conditioning, reading and napping. And napping. And napping. It was heaven. Then Mr. Jelly Belly came home and I went right back to being a sweaty slug.

I’ve got so many things to talk about, but they are not all food and health-related. I hope that’s okay because I’ve grown weary of my food obsession. Sometimes doing research makes this blog feel like a job. And I don’t want that. Plus, how much is there really to say? Vegetables: good. Sugar: bad. And variations on that theme.

However, that being said, Mr. Jelly Belly did grow me some squash – butternut, spaghetti and acorn. And, as they are piling up on my countertop, I realized I have absolutely no idea what to do with them. So you might get a couple of squash posts. Exciting, no? Spaghetti squash sounds fun. I’m looking forward to trying it. Any suggestions?

So see you in a couple of days. And that’s Real Time…not Mrs. Jelly Belly’s Wish-I-Could-Be-In-An-Air-Conditioned-Coma-For-Three-Months time.